For my baby ~ Ferris Mokhtar van de Ven

For my baby ~ Ferris Mokhtar van de Ven;
..for all my love, my heart and soul..all belong to you! This is how ummie love you - higher than a mountain, wider than an ocean ~

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

..i dreamed of Ferris last night..

..but this time was a lil bit weird..i came to see him at his school..i didnt know where it brother-in-law drove me. As i enter the school..i saw him already waited for us, just like he knew that we were coming...he just stayed and behaved very sweet. He stood there with his smiling face. I could see how excited he was as i came out from the car. I was really nervous..i didn't know how to approach him, so he wont get scared of me..yeah, we havent seen each other for quite some i had to be careful not to scared him away.

At first i thought he would not recognize me anymore, i was wrong! As soon as he saw me..he called up my name, 'ummie!!!!!' screaming happily like he used to do always when we were together..he ran and came to hug me, kissing me! 'Where have u been, ummie? Why Ferris dont see ummie so long?" he kept asking this and that..he was so talkative like before! And he kept on holding my neck..just like he wont let me anymore..

Only God knows how happy I was to see him. I took a look at him..carefully from his face until his toes...yeah, he was son! He sat on my lap and kept asking me this and that..i was really surprised that he was still the same old Ferris like 21 months ago..only this time..he has grown up...taller and no more chubby cheeks...

Then, I brought him to the dentist..(I have no idea why this dentist part was in my dream!). He has to remove 2 of his teeth..he was very brave..he didnt scare at all to sit on the dentist, i picked up the teeth, i wanted to keep it, as i keep his newborn hair in the silver case which i bought before he has born.

After sometimes, we had to go..Ferris was busy playing in the playground. I called him up..and he was running to us..waiting for the car to stop so he can get in. I thought my bro-in-law just wanted to reverse the car, NO. The car kept on moving.. So, i looked at Ferris' face..he was waiting patiently...But, my brother-in-law just drove away and left Ferris behind. I said, 'abang zam, wait..Ferris!'..he didnt react and we just drove away. From the back window of the car, i saw Ferris was waving at us crying and screaming, "Abang apan! Anchik! Babah! ..ummie!! Dont leave me!'

I saw his face!! I saw my baby's face...he was sad!! He desperately wanted to come with us....

Frank...I MISSED FERRIS too much! In that dream, i wondered why i must leave him? I still could see him face...crying and screaming to us not leave him! ....what sign was that? Why?? I could stay and spend more time with him..and keep on sleeping all day just to be with him..but why in woke up???

...Baby, ummie missed u too much! ...rindu nya..rindu sangat...if i cant see least in could see his photos or any news about him is good enough...i could smell his hair while he was hugging me..his sour smell..his sweart...because the dream was too real!!! me some mercy...please, Frank...let me see my baby...

To everybody who read this, u probably think...THIS IS JUST A DREAM..but for's different...because, this is the only way for me to meet up with my son, my dream. I am longing to see him,, the only way i could have that moment is just in my dream..i could hold him, hug him, kiss him..and to get to know how he is now..

Ferris....ummie is missing u so bad...

5th Jan 2011 (exactly 22 months since the last day i met Ferris on 5th March 2009)


  1. akk, kami sekeluarga sentiasa mendoakan adik ferris akn kembali kpangkuan akk.. insyaAllah..

  2. akak,sbr erk...ira pon sorg ibu...ira sntiasa doakan akak....akk kuatkan iman ye....

  3. terima kasih Azreen & Ratu...doakan untuk akak dan Ferris..semoga kami ditemukan semula...pada suatu masa! ...akak tunggu! Demi Tuhan, akak berserah dan semoga Ferris sehat dan sabar tunggu sampai ummie dapat peluk Ferris lagi! Sabar ye sayang..


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