For my baby ~ Ferris Mokhtar van de Ven

For my baby ~ Ferris Mokhtar van de Ven;
..for all my love, my heart and soul..all belong to you! This is how ummie love you - higher than a mountain, wider than an ocean ~

Saturday, February 5, 2011

..something in my head ~

I saw many audiences read my blog from Belgium..daily!

Jodoh pertemuan ditangan Tuhan. Akurlah. The day that my husband showed up with a young philippines' girl, i just looked into his eyes, softly. Cant even look at his eyes...just 3 months we have separated, he got me replaced, his wife, we were not even divorced yet! ..just bcos i didnt want to apology to his parents, he left me. In my heart, only God knws how painful it was, all the promises he has made to be with me till death, for better or worst, just blew away..

By the second he showed the ring to all my family members telling he just engaged, i didnt even had any tears to cry, even my father-in-law was there. I just let him. I never said bad words to that girl, not even mad to her, but, i thank her for replacing me to take care of my husband and i hope she will be loyal to him like i did. And now, she is taking care of my son, i hope she loves Ferris as much as mothers do. Becos, I believe, love takes time. I didnt seek for side from friends, even families. If he is mine, he will be mine.. and i leave it to God, that one day, he will come back to me, and love me as he has loved me before... that is LOVE, sweety... I dont let him love me bcos of feeling sympathy or he MUST love me, bcos he has promised me..

For me, love is unconditional! ..i would not beg for someone to love me..and i would not asking for any sympathy for someone not to leave me..bcos, if he wants to stay, he stays becos he wanted to, not because he feels responsible or he feels guilty for loving me and leave me...

all i want is HAPPINESS.. my husband loves that girl, he found his happiness with that girl, and i respect that, and i would never try to ruin it, because, all i want is to make someone that i love HAPPY..even though i am killing myself of letting him go...

..thts why we always have to respect other ppl, esp the one who loves us, appreciate them and cherish them with love abundantly, bcos, when he left, no use to regret for the unspoken words or undone's human nature, when they lose someone, then they gotta knw how much tht person worth! learn from the mistakes, and DONT ever blame for others! If ur relationship is strong and bonded, the 3rd person can never be the reason why it is broken! ...renungkanlah! stop this mess...and live a healthy life! fullstop! .bukankah senjata seseorg perempuan itu untuk memenangi hati seorang lelaki yg menyayangi dirinya dengan kelembutan dan kasih sayang?

i've been crying since the day after my son has been taken away, non of a second i feel happiness..i have punished and blamed myself for every second i could feel even just a piece of it! i am grieving for the lost...BUT, it isnt bcos i have regret tht i didnt give him my love or treated him bad, I cry bcos, I DONT WANT TO MISS ANY FRACTION SECONDS OF HIS GROWTH AND HE DESERVES MY LOVE, bcos, i am the mother...he has been with me since just a few second of the fetus started to grow in my womb...

Sesungguhnya ketentuanNya itu adalah mutlak, kita kena redha.. jangan TAKBUR dgn kata-kata.. jadilah hambaNya yang penuh rasa rendah diri, dan jangan hina orang..lebih2 lagi orang2 yang dalam kesusahan dan tak kita kenal siapa.. jangan ikut perasaan. Jagalah tatasusila diri bila berkata2 atau menulis..bcos NOBODY IS PERFECT! For that, love...i've gotten my lesson from the pain i've learned that LIFE IS ALWAYS FAIR. For that i am giving myself some time to know myself better! Hargailah seseorang itu, kerana seseorang itu..dnt take ppl for granted. SYMPATHY isnt LOVE. LOVE is NOTHING whc u cant even define wht, how, why.. when love strikes YOU...u become damn SELFISH! ..the truth hurts ♥

Frank, for that, i am so sorry and please...let me feel some of the happiness..let me see least! ..once we were in love, werent we?

..ummie misses Ferris too much!


  1. hmm.. a mellow music for a mellow posts... great one! this article should be put in 'general' labels.. :)

  2. Roszita Amoy AriffinFebruary 9, 2011 at 5:22 PM

    well said friend. Empowering words for an empowering soul. Keep da love alive


Please say something..