For my baby ~ Ferris Mokhtar van de Ven

For my baby ~ Ferris Mokhtar van de Ven;
..for all my love, my heart and soul..all belong to you! This is how ummie love you - higher than a mountain, wider than an ocean ~

Monday, March 14, 2011

3 nights in a row I have dreamed of Ferris!!

3 nights in a row I have dreamed of Ferris!!

Ferris...are u okay, baby??

Ummie is so so worried!! :(

Ummie and Ferris February 2004


It's been 7 days since my last post here in this blog.
Honestly, I was in pain.
I cant even look at this blog!
Everything remind me of Ferris..

This was how Ferris so much love ummie's stuffs!

Ferris put on ummie's shoes!

Ferris put on ummie's shoes again!!!


Last 3 nights...I have dreamed of him, straight!

1st night..
(Friday night)
On the 1st night, I dreamed that I saw him on the other side of the road..
I cant get him because too much traffic passing by
I tried to cross the motorway to get him..
I was waving and calling his name..
but again the traffic was too noisy, he cant hear me..
I have imagined many ideas, i wanted to crawl under those cars passing by..
or, I tried to do something like in the movie..just cross the street and stop the car..
NO, I cant!
I saw him standing there..
he is tall..
nice bob-cut hair, but at the tip of the hair a lil bit curly
and..not so chubby cheeks..
with his jacket, khakis pants and knapsack!
Then I woke up..
I was nervous and so much frustrated
why cant I keep on the dream surely I will get him IF
I have more time!


The 2nd night..
(Saturday night)
I dreamed of Ferris again..
but this time..he was with me..
I was holding him..like nothing happened..
but when the time go to bed,
Ferris wanted to sleep with Aunty GG..
I took him and sleep with me..
because deep down inside I could feel it that I must return him back by the sunrise!
I was really sad..holding him while laying on the bed..
Looking at him..
caressing him..
smelling him..
I was talking to him..
BUT
He did not even reply me..
he just keep silent
Ya ALLAH, what is this?

In the dream, I did not even want to fall asleep!
But the situation was the other way around....
I WOKE UP from sleep!
Oh God!!!
Give me some more time..let me feel my baby more..
I woke up and burst into tears..
My heartbeat faster..
so much bad thoughts in my head!

WHY FERRIS DID NOT WANT TO TALK?

It has eaten load of my energy..
end up, the whole day I was tired and sleeping all day!


3rd
The 3rd night, last night..
I dreamed of Ferris again
This dream, I cant even remember..
but, I know..I have dreamed of him..

And today, I woke up so tiring..
my whole body feels so much want to rest more..
but, how?

This was how Ferris tried to put himself to sleep for afternoon nap!

Then...

My baby fell asleep on the side table!


Ferris...
what is going on, baby?
What happened to you?
Are u okay?

Ummie's birthday is coming soon...
Ummie wishes to see Ferris...

Frank, it's been 2 years...
Please...

22 comments:

  1. Hi Elis,

    I really do not know how to console you. I know what kind of pain you are going thru and your baby must have been going thru similar pain because he wants to see you but he is too young to come to and see you himself.

    I hope Frank let you see the baby soon.

    Sally

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  2. YA Allah d.sabar bebanyak ok.kau tak dapat contact si frank ke?atleast bagilah kau jumpa ferriskan?mmg kejam betulkan.tabahkan hati ok.aku tau berat mata memandang berat lagi bahu kau memikul.aku dah nangis dah ni.take care ok..

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  3. Dear Sally..yes, even myself dont even knw how to console my own self! Do u really think Ferris is going through the similar pain like i am having right now? YA ALLAH, please ease his pains... because it is painful! amin!

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  4. Linda....ya, ndah...selama ni pun ko dah banyak tolong aku n Ferris.. ~ dont cry, ateh, Ferris just fine :)

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  5. Elis,

    For sure baby is looking for mummy just like how mummy is looking for baby. no matter what, do not give up! you are halfway there...just continue your journey and work harder to get to him. keep moving forward, keep trying till you get him. insya allah, you prayers will be answered and you will get him soon. Can our Embassy in Belgium help you? Do you have friends there who might be able to help you?

    Sorry that i can only help by giving you encouraging words. I know you are in a lot of pain and none of us here will be able to console you no matter how much...

    Sally

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  6. Sally, that is ok..your encouraging words mean a lot to me! Really comforting when gotta know there are supporting me.. Yes, i have many friends there, and so far, nothing that our government could do for me..i have asked them. For that, i think this is the time for me to tawakal...moreover i am moving on..i am working right now and i have plans for my life. I AM NOT GIVING UP, but, I believe ALLAH itu MAHA KAYA, MAHA MENGETAHUI..MAHA ADIL! Inilah yang dikehendakiNya, for me to move on, build up my life again and SURRENDER... yes, I AM SURRENDERING myself to HIM. Ferris is always be my son, and one fine day will come..

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  7. Sorry Elis..seems like a tough situation. maybe govt not able to masuk campur due to sensitive issues as the baby belongs to both mom and dad and in another country so maybe govt doesnt want to interfere in another country's legal system and spoil the diplomatic relationship. Kalau u boleh ke belgium and tahu di mana dia tinggal, cubalah minta tolong kawan or sesiapa bawa lari saja budak itu naik feri or bus ke nearby country and then quickly fly back to malaysia. I am sure god will show you the path to rescue ferris. we are all praying for you too. just hang on there till then.

    Just to share with you. I pernah hilang haiwan peliharaan..pagi petang, siang malam, i go from house to house to drop brochures that contain his photo and my contact details. After usaha for many days, finally one day as I was driving past a house, I saw him in one of the houses. When i went to claim him, the person just gave it to me cos they knew it's wrong to steal sth from the owner. I just said thanks and left and didnt bother to punish them for stealing it.

    so you dont worry. teruskan berusaha. i am sure in belgium ada umat2 yg baik hati or human right/women's right activist groups. when they hear ur news from blog, i am sure one day someone will come forward to help you.

    Take care and warm regards,
    Sally

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  8. NO sally.. I WILL NOT DO THAT!
    It is enough now. Ferris needs a good life. This is my sacrifice.. I LET HIM GO..I'll wait for that fine day.. but it doesnt mean i gave up! My love for Ferris is unconditional, can never ever be compared with any kind of love in this world.. and I believe, Ferris knows that very well.. and i believe Frank has a very soft hearted especially when come to Ferris or me, his ex-wife, once he has loved and cared for..
    amin amin amin!

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  9. Salam, Elis dah lama x baca blog ni. Akak baru start keje ari ni. Kat umah internat problem. Rindu btul dengan blog ni. 3 hari berturut2 tu mimpikan Ferris! Insyallah itu petanda baik. Apa yang akak tahu ramai orang-orang tua berkata kalo kita bermimpikan seseorang itu tapi orang itu tidak bercakap2 (Ferris) itu tanyanya memang DIA lah tu(Ferris). Kalo didalam mimpi seseorang itu bercakap2 itu tandanya SYAITAN. May b dia pun teringatkan Elis tu. Dia mungkin tercari2, nak cari tetapi tak boleh banyak rintangannya (sebab dlm mimpi ada jalan dan traffic sesak) apapun Elis ini kemungkinan sahaja.Kita doakan yang baik2 aje buat dia ya. Mintak2lah dia masih ingatkan Elis sekurang2nya wajah Elis kekal dimindanya hingga keakhir hayat. Itu yang akak harap2kan. Bukan apa risaukan dah lama sgt ni takut sok2 bila jumpa dia kata dia tak kenal Elis. Bykkan doa semuga dia masih ingat Elis. Akak sokong pendapat Sally dan Abu Afdal. Buat apa yang dia orang cadangkan. Yang penting solat, bermunajat ditengah malam. Mintak ! Mintak ! Pohon ! Pohon ! Merintihlah ! Insyaallah Elis Allah akan makbulkan. Kalo boleh dalam satu hari sebutlah sebanyak mungkin at least 44 kali Selawat Nabi, dan sebut YA ALLAH kembalikanlah Ferris anakku padaku secepatnya YA ALLAH. Amin Amin Amin . Kak Rina.

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  10. wsalam kak rina.. hahahha rindu dgn blog ni?? adoiii yaiii... anyway, thanx for supporting!
    Memang betul apa yang Sally and Abu Afdal cakap tu.. tapi.. NO. I WONT DO THAT!
    I think this is the time that i must 'TAWAKAL' in the context of total surrender and devote my absolute faith to ALLAH. Sy dah usaha sedaya yang mampu, mungkin saya boleh usaha lagi, dan saya tak tahu kenapa saya dah rasa macam dah tak ada maknanya lagi untuk di usahakan. INI bukan bermakna saya putus asa..ini adalah satu penyerahan diri kepada yang ESA dan penerimaan saya pada TAKDIR yang ditentukanNYA. Demi itu, saya tidak akan berputus asa atau berputus harap mahupun rasa kecewa! ..kerana saya yakin ALAH itu ADA, Dia Maha Esa, Maha Kaya, Maha Mengetahui... amin amin amin ~ sesungguhnya Dia Maha Mengetahui betapa cintanya saya pd Ferris dan betapa peritnya mengharungi hidup ini tanpa Ferris..demi cinta abadi.. saya tawakal! amin!

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  11. Salam, janganlah berputus asa. Allah sedang menduga Elis ni. Dia nak Elis selalu dekat dengannya. Jadi banyakkan berdoa lagi. Tolong jangan putus asa dik. Kami semua ni mendoakan Elis tau. Elis tahu kisah lepat? Cuba dik baca blog lepat ismail kisah seorang ayah yang anaknya dilarikan juga oleh isterinya ke luar negara. Atau boleh berkongsi masalah/cerita dengan lepat ni. Bacalah lah blog beliau ya. Kak Rina.

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  12. ya kak rina...terima kasih banyak. Elis tahu kes Lepat tu..13 tahun dia cuba cari anak dia..sayangnya masih tak tahu mana anak dia. Elis tak sanggup tgu 13 tahun untuk jumpa Ferris balik.. ntahlah kak rina.. SAYA TIDAK BERPUTUS ASA! ..cuma saya cuba belajar menerima takdir yang ditentukanNya...macam kita lemas dalam air...kalau kita berusaha nak naik kita akan makin tenggelam..tapi kalau kita calm down, let it go...dengan sendrinya kita akan timbul semula ke permukaan...elis pernah lemas dalam air... doakan inilah jalan yang terbaik. Sekiranya elis tak cuba calm down dan let it go...honestly kak rina, elis boleh gila.. elis taknak Ferris jumpa elis nanti..elis pun tak ingat siapa dia. Demi Ferris, elis berusaha untuk menjadi kuat dr segi mental terutamanya...ALLAH Maha Mengetahui... amin amin amin!

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  13. Salam, Elis who said lepat x jumpa anak dia sayang? Dia jumpa, dia tahu, cuma x dapat sentuh, membelai seperti bapa2 lain. Nama anaknya telah di tukar Sunny......(nama orang putih)tak ingat plak namanya. Tapi ikut nama maknya. Anaknya dah jadi dancer for one of the popular group di tempatnya dan pernah masuk rancangan astro. Tuhan 2 maha kaya Elis walaupun anak x jumpa lepat tapi muka anaknya sebijik muka si lepat tu. Insyallah kalo Allah makbulkan doa2 kita semua ya, harap2 Elis dapat jumpa Elis secepat mungkin. Kalo lepat 13 tahun, akak harap Elis lagi setahun ni Elis dapat balik Ferris ya. Sekarang pun dah 2 tahun ya dik. Amin Amin. Ada hantar surat kat Mama kita pasal Ferris Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor? Dengarnya beliau ada ke Belgium baru-baru ni. Amin Amin. Kak Rina.

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  14. wsalam..oh, ok! Jadi tu gambar anak dia yg jumpa dalam FB tu...betul lah anak dia! Elis ingatkan dia tak sure itu anaknya..ok ok. Now i get it! Anaknya nama Sunni tukar jadi Sunny tak silap elis la...Ya ALLAH, tak tahu la apa pulak nama Ferris sekarang! Mungkin nama Ferris tu dikekalkan tapi Ferris punya middle name 'mokhtar' sempena nama ayah elis tu..mungkin dah ditukar kot..Na'uzubillah! Ya ALLAH, lindungilah Ferris! Terima kasih kak rina, hanya ALLAH sahaja yg dapat mbalas budi baik kakak yg tak putus memberi kata nasihat dan semangat pada elis! Amin amin amin!

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  15. Hello Mummy Ferris,

    Do you think you can contact Jacqueline and see if she could help you? http://www.jacquelinepascarl.com/

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  16. Mummy Ferris, Jacqueline seems to have helped 64 children who were kidnapped from all over the world. pls contact her and see if she could help u.

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  17. elis..sangat tabah anda! saye kagum..semoga ALLAH mempertemukan anda dan anak anda ye..aminnn

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  18. hi elis,

    I am so touched when reading your blog. Doa banyak..Allah maha mengetahui. I hope your ex husband is still practice islam so that akidah ferris terjaga.

    Dont be sad and dont give-up

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  19. Di mana Ferris sekarang? Sedih sayu membaca blog Ummie Ferris yang menderita berpisah dengan Ferris yang tidak tahu bagaimana keadaannya sekarang. Satu hari nanti bila Ferris baca blog Ummie Ferris dan boleh memahami apa yang berlaku, cari lah semula Ummie yang derita menanggung rindu pada Ferris pada setiap helaan nafasnya.

    Kembali lah Ferris untuk meleraikan rindu dendam Ummie.. InsyaAllah..

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  20. Salam, Elis, manalah Elis menghilangkan diri ni.Issh issh, akak ingat dah merajuk. Akak dah baca kisah kat kosmo tu. Pagi2 hati akak dah menangis, sebak. Ha, cepat2 cepat hubungi jacquelispascal tu macam komen2 kat atas tu cakap. Manalah tahu dik,kali ni benar2 menjadi kenyataan berkat doa kita2 semua ni ya. Cepat ! Cepat ! Elis jangan tangguh2 lagi. Tapi kalau ada apa2 perancangan rahsia jangan tulis dalam sini ya. Takut2 ada pengintip pulak. Good Luck Baby and All The Best For U if you really want to contact her. Luv you. KAK RINA. Amin Amin Amin Amin Amin Amin. Ya Allah Kabulkanlah Doa Elis.

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  21. asalamualaikum..elis ibu ferris..tabahkan hatimu..kalau sikecil x dpt kudakapi...Kuharap dan berdoa moga ALLAH AKAN KETEMUKAN BILA IA DEWASA..DAN MENCARI IBU ELIS ..IBU YG MENGANDUNGKAN FERRIS SELAMA 9 BULAN 10 HARI..DAN BERPANTANG SENGKANG MATA BERJAGA SIANG MALAM..WALAU UTK SEKETIKA....HANYA SEORANG IBU SAJA YG MERASI..BETAPA GUNDAH GULANA HATI DAN PERASAAN INI..YA ALLAH KABULKAN DOA ELIS SI HAMBAMU YG KERDIL INI...

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  22. Elis..tanpa doa yang tidak mengenal jemu...berserah padaNya ..kerana hanya Allah yang maha berkuasa di atas setiap kejadian...banyakkan sembahyang hajat agar dengan kasih sayangNya juga dipertemukan dengan ananknda tersayng dan sntisa mohon Allah berikan ketabahan untuk melalui dugaan ini dengan jayanya...insyaallah..sesunguuhnya Allah maha mendengar

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