For my baby ~ Ferris Mokhtar van de Ven

For my baby ~ Ferris Mokhtar van de Ven;
..for all my love, my heart and soul..all belong to you! This is how ummie love you - higher than a mountain, wider than an ocean ~

Saturday, March 5, 2011


MARCH 05, 2009 - March 05, 2011

Never ending love for you, Ferris..

Ferris on 30 January 2009


it has been EXACTLY 2 years..

Ferris last pic taken few days before he has been taken away,
taken by Tira, Adie's wife at Adie's printing shop, Bukit
Ampang Indah
3 March 2009






This photo taken on 30 January 2009
'I love you, ummie!' That what was he said, whispering on my ear!

Ferris on 1 Jan 2009

This sad face of Ferris, after he got to know that I have to let his papa
to see him and to take him for a week..
Ferris was whining and keep on 'merengek'
he was worried how to sleep without ummie;
"And then ummie, Ferris sleep with whom?"
"But, I want to sleep with u, ummie.."
"And then ummie, Ferris sleeps and Ferris wakes up, Ferris come back to ummie?"
"Ummie, I want to sleep with ummie.."
"..and ummie? Ummie sleeps with who?"
"Fat Tiger and Small Tiger will cry..Fat Tiger and Small Tiger want to sleep with u, ummie!"

Those were Ferris' cries or 'merengek' for few days, until this video was taken!

And Today...
it was 24 months ago on the same date March 5 year 2009...

was the last time I held Ferris
was the last time I saw his face
was the last time I heard his voices..
was the last time I smell his smells..
was the last glance he saw me..

exactly at 14.30
Frank has arrived..
he was wearing polo t-shirt and jeans
(for the 1st time I saw his on jeans since we've been together)
and that car, WAJA 1.5 metallic silver..

was the last time I saw my baby..

ever since that...



Ferris on 24 January 2009
Ferris and Mimie, his cat.

We found this cat downstairs, and Ferris really wanted to have it.
Funny thing, he just wondered why cat walks with four legs..
for his curiosity, he taught that cat to walk with 2 legs..
and he also taught that cat how to pee in the toilet!! Ha ha ha
That is our Ferris, my baby..
He thought that cat just the same like his Fat Tiger and Small Tiger..hahaha
Few times he got scratch by that cat and few bites as well!

Here I am..
Ummie is here baby..
Ummie is waiting for a miracle will happen..
only God knows how much ummie is desperately wanted this happen
as quick as possible..

All the believers told ummie..
there is GOD
God knows THE BEST!

Some said;
Doa ibu disegerakan pemakbulannya..

but now,
it has been 2 years..

I dont mean that I am doubting the greatness of God..
or I am hesitating the fate has made for me..

but the pains are TOO MUCH
the suffers are TOO BAD
never showed any mercy on me
or got it even lesser..
it's keep coming everyday
it's keep on growing every time..


As a mother..
I am just worried about YOU, physically and mentally..
I just cant stop myself not to worry about your well-being, baby
I know papa is taking a very good care of u
he can give u more than I do..

Ferris on 13 February 2009
Wearing Babah's helmet without visor he he he..
look at his chubby chub cheeks!!!
On this day, Ferris just came back from school..
Ferris really wanted to ride Aunty GG's scooters..
on that day, we just granted his wish...

..just show some mercy...
let me see Ferris..
U already have everything..
..the only thing that u dont have...
is ME!'s been 2 years now...

Ferris...if I knew that was the last day I met you..
I will hug u tightly and would never let u go..
I will buy us a poison and we drink and die together...
this is how I feel right now...
the pain, the suffer..into that extreme..

I am crying while typing this..
I told u, my love is everything that cover up the whole universe..
but, unfortunately, ummie just cant deliver them all to you..
that is my frustration
my regrets..

Ummie sayang Ferris..
ummie sayang sangat Ferris..
Ferris sayang ummie, kan!

"US" on 1 February 2009


  1. Teacher!!!...
    sy rs nak peluk teacher puas2, nk kesat airmata a ibu for 2 lil kids, sy rs apa yg teacher rs tp x seberat yg teacher tanggung...
    Kuatkn semangat...Allah always with u!!!

  2. ..terharunya teacher baca...tak pe, hafizah, thank you...i am OK, much better..
    just sometimes..i had that...tiba2 teringat Ferris.. rasa rindu memang tak boleh nak tahan.. dalam hati pun berkata2...mesti Ferris teringat jugak ni.. pastu, just cakap pada Ferris, yang ummie patient...soon.. yelah, naluri ibu..walaupun di alam maya masih boleh berkomunikasi kan... betul tak? :)

  3. I don't know why I kept dreaming of Ferris 2-3 hari nih !

  4. sis..

    sedihnya sy bc entry sis..ya allh..smga u terus tabah ye..


  5. i really hope that ferris can read this.. all the words, all the doas everything... be brave teacher... one day he'll be with us..

  6. Anonymous March 7, 2011 3:03 PM....
    who are u?? what was in your dream? tell me..

  7. Farra...m so sorry if i made u sad reading my blog..i just cant help it.. inilah curahan perasaan saya...ini baru 2% dr apa yg saya saya..
    dalam hati ni...sakitnya, peritnya.. seksanya.. sengsaranya... tak dapat nak di ungkapkan dgn kata-kata mahupun raut muka...hanya ALLAH yg MAHA Mengetahui...HANYA ALLAH! YA ALLAH, makbulkanlah! amin amin amin!

  8. Fiza...yes, i hope that too Ferris will read all these..soon! ..very soon! HE WILL! u know, your teacher is very brave! ..she even stronger! CANT U SEE IT? I hope this will make u even better than your teacher...who is ME! Thanks, sweety!
    HE MUST BE WITH US! "..kun faya kun!"
    amin amin amin!

  9. Pity on u sis..if me in ur situation..dont know what will happen to me...proud of you bcoz u are so strong...may allah bless u...

  10. Hi suria..NO! Please NO PITY on me! Please...
    if u were pity on me..that means i am weaker! I am not weak at all..cant u see how strong i am?
    Honestly suria...when this situation happened to u..especially about your loved one...U JUST KNOW WHAT TO DO! Trust me! U KNOW WHAT TO DO! Once again.. amin amin amin..alhamdulillah He made me so blessed became this strong!

  11. Ummie Ferris : I don't know why I kept dreming of Ferris. Nampak Ferris tengah duduk termenung tengok kat luar tingkap. His face monyok jer.I terus panggil dia, tapi dia tak tengok pun. Tetap jer tengok luar tingkap.Macam rindu pun ada jugak..

  12. Salam, Elis hari2 akak baca blog Elis. Sambil menaip akak menangis dan akak berdoa byk2.Akak difahamkan Elis memerlukan RM100 ribu untuk menguruskan hal ini. Demi Allah kalolah akak kaya dan banyak duit akak akak akan hulukan bantuan. Aku pun dapat rasakan siksaan Elis. Kerana akak pun seorang ibu. Bayangkan walaupun kita x kenal. Tapi kes Elis kadang2 berlegar2 dalam ingatan akak. Byk2 kes sebegini kes Elislah paling meruntun hati. Jangan putus asa berjumpa pihak2 yang boleh membantu. Contoh Sultan Selangor ke, kalo boleh jumpalah PM kita. Tunjukkan rintihan dan kesengsaraan yang kita alami. Forward kan blog Elis ni ke PM kita, Dr M ,Datuk Shahrizat dan sesiapa yang berwajib. Katakan kita mohon doa dari beliau. Sekurang2nya kisah Elis ini terkesan di hati mereka. Ini cuma cadangan dari akak. Kerapkan bangun tengah mlm solat hajat. Setiap kali nak solat buat solat hajat dulu. Insyaallah sayang. Allah makbulkan doa2 kita. Akak pun x sabar nk tgk ferris balik.I want to see u both. KAK RINA.

  13. Anonymous March 7, 2011 5:42 PM,
    Ya ALLAH...apakah sebenar erti mimpi tu? May I know who are u? Do i know u? Please..inbox or email me

  14. Kak Rina..sangat mulianya hati kakak..sangat terharu elis baca. Tapi, semua yg elis tulis ni bukan nak minta simpati apa2 atau dari sesiaoa..kerana ini adalah curahan dari hati elis yg ikhlas untuk Ferris...dgn setinggi harapan agar hati bekas suami elis lembut, mungkin hati mak dan ayah mertua elis...ALLAH Maha Kaya, kak.. Dia lebih Maha Mengetahui.. Amin amin amin! Segera dimakbulkanlah hendaknya! Amin! ..and thanx for the advices!!!! I nevr thought about it...yes, I will.. TERIMA KASIH BANYAK2!!

  15. Elis,

    You are a strong mummy with a lot of willpower. Keep it going and I sincerely hope you set up your donation fund to make you reach your destination faster. I am sure all kind souls out there who understand your pain would love to donate for good cause, including myself. I hope the government can give you some fund allocation as the court and government had granted you the custody and you only obeyed the law in letting his dad take him for a week.


  16. To Elis ex Husband, if you are reading her blog, do return Ferris to her. I am sure the boy needs both a mom and dad's love to grow up. It is not good to cause emotional suffering to both mom and child. I am sure you can visit him as many time as you want after handing him over to Elis. I am sure she would approve of that. The whole world is watching over this news now. Be a great man and re-unite the child with his mom. You will be happier when others are happy.


  17. Hi Elis,

    Kak Rina is correct. Macam mana you nak berjuang sendiri? You kena minta pertolongan dari pihak atasan yang boleh cepatkan urusan you cari Ferris. Kalau you tak minta tolong, mereka ingatkan you tak perlu pertolongan. You have to ask for help and do not feel shy in doing it.


  18. askm puan yg menderita, ini semua ketentuan Allah dan siapalah kita di sisiNya.. dari Dia kita datang dan kepadanya juga kembali. semua sudah ditentukan.. ini semua ujian. bykkan sabar dan kembalilah kepada fitrah Islam.. jaga akhlak dan kewajipan kita sbg hambaNya. bukankah doa ibu dan orang tertindas tiada hijab dgn Allah? saya menyokong seranan di atas iaitu puan harus bykkan solat hajat, berguru dgn orang alim. mohonlah mana-mana sekolah tahfiz, pondok dan tok guru untuk bermunajat krn mereka amat hampir dgn alKhaliq. kemudian baru guna saluran pimpinan negara spt PM, isteri beliau dan NGO peringkat negara dan luar. minta jamaah masjid baca yassin 41 dan solat hajat. secara peribadi saya cdg puan jumpa Dr Jahid mursyid Tareqat Naqshabadiah di Tasik biru, Kundang-Kuang dekat Sg Buloh Sgor, bekas Mufthi N.Sembilan Dato Murtadha dari Tareqat Ahmadiah dan TG Nik Abd aziz. Dalam pada itu, saya juga yakin menggunakan saluran gelap ( ?) untuk membawa keluar anak yang comel ini. Jika kita bersatu tidak mustahil dpt selamatkan anak muslim ini segera!!!

  19. Dear Sally...i am so touched with your words asking Frank to return Ferris to me...THANK YOU. Yes, i did all i could to ask from our government to help..maybe i did not ask good enough. That is ok! I believe God is fine day will come.. and i am sure Frank is reading all these..and, he must think something the best for three of us. In case, he already married..i am happy for him and i dont want to be the 3rd person for his happiness..I let him go.. if he comes back..HE IS MINE! Once, i have loved him and lived with him..for God's sake..i cant never forget him all my life till the last day...THANKS sally... amin amin amin

  20. walaikumsalam abu afdhal...terima kasih dgn nasihat anda. Amat saya hargai. ya, mungkin saya patut buat sedemikian. Tapi, saya masiih teringat kata-kata ustaz Ridhuan Teh Abdullah semasa ada bersama saya di Seri Pentas untuk program Wanita Hari Ini..ustaz suruh saya bertawakal..dan kata2 ustat tu saya sangkal..saya dgn emosi kata yg saya belum cukup usaha..mcmana nak tawakal? bukankah tawakal tu kena sama2 dgn usaha!
    sekarang saya faham apa yang ustat maksudkan..tawakal tu maksudnya saya menyerahkan diri dan usaha saya bulat2 kepadaNya...supaya saya berasa lebih tenang dan kuat untuk terus bertahan dan memperjuangkan semangat saya demi untuk anak saya! Ya ALLAH, makbulkanlah! amin amin amin!

  21. heart broke to pieces when I watched this video. Ferris somehow can feel that he'll be taken away from you. Sedih banget dengar tangisan Ferris. Mama doakan semoga Ferris akan kembali ke pangkuan Umminya. Semoga Allah permudahkan segalanya... amin

  22. terima kasih mamafami...amin amin amin! Dimakbulkan segeralah hendaknya! ..suara tu la terngiang2 di telinga sy sampai sekarang! ...hampir gila sy dibuatnya! Hanya ALLAH shj yang tahu betapa peritnya hati seorg ibu yg tak dapat melindungi anaknya apabila dipisahkan...betapa siksanya batin seorg ibu itu bila cintanya tidak dapat dicurahkan pada anak kandungnya... ya ALLAH..hentikanlah..tibakanlah masanya..pertemukanlah kami! amin amin amin

  23. Kak.. dtg lagi & read ur entry..

    mmg gugur airmt sy..bila tgok vdeo tu kak...

    be strong ya sis!!

    *i nak share ur link!

  24. salam Elis.. i was blog hopping n came across ur blog.. it must be very painful for u to go through this.. honestly, i cant stop crying watching this video.. Allah je yg tau ape yg u rase.. be strong.. and i akan sentiasa doakan semoga Ferris akan kembali pada u.. for this time being hopefully his pictures and ur memory with him dapat mengubat rindu u pada Ferris (walaupun i xtau mmg xkan cukup).. take care & do bear in mind all of us supports u.. be strong

  25. Assalamu alaikum. I just came across your blog after reading about Nayati's disappearance near M'KIS, where I taught as I lived in KL for 14 years. I divorced suami saya in 2002 and to this day I thank God tahat I dapat anak saya Atikah. My heart goes out to you Elis. Insya Allah, Ferris will be returned to his ummie. Much love. xoxo

  26. Assalamu alaikum. I just came across your blog after reading about Nayati's disappearance near M'KIS, where I previously taught. I lived in KL for 14 years. I divorced in 2002 and to this day I thank God that I have my daughter with me. I lived in constant fear in KL that he would take my baby. She is now 17. My heart goes out to you Elis. Insya Allah, Ferris will be returned to his ummie. Much love. xoxo

    1. dear UnknownApr 27, 2012 03:48 AM,
      walaikumsalam.. thanks for dropping by and reading my blog..
      i am learning each to be patient.. and every day i am teaching myself to keep on living.. alhamdulillah after more than 3 years now.. i become a good student of my own self.. i wont give up.. i will be with him.. one fine day.. it is good to live with a hope rather than nothing.. insyallah.. aminn


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