Today ummie is so sad. Ummie is really sad..
When Ferris was with ummie...every time ummie felt sad,
Ferris always asked ummie: "Ummie..are u sad?"
Ummie is very sad..
Ummie feels so bad..
it feels like the world will end pretty soon..
Maybe because last Saturday was the exact date Ferris has been taken away from ummie..
Ummie still remember that day so clear..
Ferris was not feeling well..
and Ferris wanted ummie to hold Ferris all the time..
even when we were in the car..
Ferris wanted to sit with ummie..
Ferris said, "I'm not feeling well, ummie.. I want u to hug me.."
And that night...usually Ferris will sleep with abang Apan and Anchik...
but, that night, for the whole week, Ferris just wanted to sleep with ummie and kak Nang..
While sleeping...Ferris was hugging ummie's neck all the time..
it was so hot at ibu's house..
ummie had pushed Ferris a bit..
later, Ferris came back and hugged ummie's neck again...
The whole last week...
usually Ferris always wanted to eat by Ferris self..
but, that the last week, Ferris has requested ummie to feed Ferris..
usually, Ferris didnt mind to share ummie's lap with Ziedan and Akil
but, that week, Ferris was so jealousy..
and Ferris pushed them away and kept on asking ummie:
"Do u love me, ummie?"
"YES, ummie loves Ferris very much!"
Few minutes later, Ferris asked again:
"Am I the only one, ummie?"
"YES, Ferris is the only one!"
"Ummie loves Ferris?"
"Yes, very much. WHY?"
"Ferris loves ummie so much!"
"Yeah? Ferris loves ummie? How much?"
As usual; "HIGH LIKE A MOUNTAIN, WIDE LIKE AN OCEAN"
On that last day, March 05, 2009
While ummie was packing Ferris' clothes..
Ferris asked ummie again,
"WHY ummie..why with u always short, why with papa always long?"
Ummie was too busy..
but ummie could see Ferris was standing at the end of the bed and one leg on the matress
looking at ummie asking for some mercy not to allow papa to take Ferris...
or, maybe, ummie should beg papa not to take away Ferris from ummie..
but, ummie TRUSTED papa too much..
once he had said;
"IN THIS WORLD, THE ONLY THING I WOULD NOT DO TO YOU, DOOD,
IS TO TAKE FERRIS APART FROM YOU! NEVER!"
Papa said this when he was observing how ummie was devoting
in taking care of Ferris, without failed, not even a single failure..
ever since Ferris has born!
Unfortunately, he BROKE his own words..
and he DID take Ferris away from ummie..
without no news, no phone call, no email
telling that Ferris is FINE
SAFE and HEALTHY.
Maybe..this is all ummie's faults..
ummie did not do ummie best as a wife to papa
and good enough daughter-in-law to opa and oma..
but, for ummie's side..
Frank...i have been a good wife to u..
I have taken care everything for u..
I even have combed your hair..
gotten your clothes ready after shower..
good cooks everyday..
I have made u laughed..
papa and mama..
I have been a good daughter-in-law for both of u..
I was not only dedicated my life for you..
but, I have devoted it all to you..
but, it still not enough
I AM SO SORRY!
I am so sorry, baby...
Maybe, ummie just did not do good enough to please everybody
and..I am so sorry baby...
on this day, 24 months ago..
I LET U GO..
I saw how sad were u walking to the car..
and I was calling you and waving to u..
and...Ferris didnt even look at ummie..
because, Ferris was mad..
Ferris had begged ummie to tell it to papa that Ferris wanted to stay with ummie..
and ummie DID NOT do that!
UMMIE LOVES U TOO MUCH..
AND UMMIE HAS BEEN PUNISHING MYSELF NOT TO FEEL
ANY HAPPINESS FOR LETTING U GO
AND FEELING THESE ALL SUFFERS
SEPARATING WITH UMMIE..
I know baby..
You are wondering where I am..
do I still love u..
do I still remember u..
ummie just asking the same questions..
WHERE ARE U, FERRIS?
DO U STILL LOVE UMMIE?
DO U STILL REMEMBER UMMIE?
Once, u had lost me in the shopping mall..
and I found u back, u were crying so hard and loud!
"UMMIE, U FOUND ME, UMMIE!
UMMIE FOUND FERRIS!"
"Of course, I am your ummie..
wherever u go..I saw u..
whenever u lost...I will find u back!
Because, I am your ummie!"
that day, when Frank had arrived..
Ferris hugged me tightly and looked at my eyes and saying;
"If u lost me, will u find me back, ummie?"
..then he turned around and walking to the car..
that was the last image of Ferris that still fresh in my mind...
Ummie sayang Ferris...
sayang Ferris sangat sangat...
Ferris sayang ummie, kan!