BRING BACK FERRIS TO MALAYSIA

07.12.11 : HAPPY 8th BIRTHDAY FERRIS!!!

2011-12-07T00:07:00.001+08:00

HAPPY 8th BIRTHDAY

FERRIS!!!!

Happy birthday abang yang!!!

Ummie loves you soooo much!!!

we all love you... HURRY BACK HOME!!!

Ferris has been taken away from me since Mar 2009 - The Separation Day

The Spiral working process - Ummie's new artwork series: Inspired by Nature

2011-11-27T01:53:00.001+08:00

Ummie's new artwork series

Inspired by Nature -
The Spiral working process

Papier Mache techniques on wires

apprx. 5 meters in spiral

"The whole universe is based on RHYTHMS. Everything happens in circles, in SPIRALS"

- John Hartford

..ummie had been working on this artwork for a week in daily basis..

stay up till the next morning!! ..again ummie is back on her track!!

..within 2 weeks time ummie had to preview them with the process development and

sketches on Nov 16, 2011

..well, ummie was totally occupied, really!

but, still ummie thought of Ferris..

at many times ummie had tears..

wishing Ferris is around..

The Subject Matter

The spiral seedpods from Earleaf Acacia's tree
(Acacia Auriculiformis)

The Visual Documentation

The Working Progress of Part 1

The Working Progress of Part 2

The Final

..ummie was totally blasted like hurricane..

ummie really wish Ferris is around and keep on asking what ummie is doing like always..

ummie misses Ferris too much..

sayang Ferris.. always!

The Spiral visual documentation - Ummie's new artwork series: Inspired by Nature

2011-11-27T01:23:00.001+08:00

Ummie's new artwork series

Inspired by Nature - The Spiral visual documentation

Papier Mache techniques on wires

apprx. 5 meters in spiral

"The whole universe is based on RHYTHMS. Everything happens in circles, in SPIRALS"

- John Hartford

The Cover

The Artworks

The Subject Matter

The Working Process

TheReferences

The Development of IDEA

The Sketches

..ummie will keep on updating what is happening around ummie just for you sayang..

this is how ummie loves Ferris..

"Higher than the mountains, wider than the oceans"

Nothing is all about you is everything

hugs and kisses on the air for Ferris no matter wherever you are...

ummie sayang Ferris sangat sangat sangat

The Spiral - Ummie's new artwork series: Inspired by Nature

2011-11-27T00:00:00.001+08:00

Ummie's new artwork series

Inspired by Nature - The Spiral

Papier Mache techniques on wires

apprx. 5 meters in spiral

"The whole universe is based on RHYTHMS. Everything happens in circles, in SPIRALS"

- John Hartford

The Close up

“Progress has not followed a straight ascending line, but a spiral with rhythms of progress and retrogression, of evolution and dissolution.”

- Johann Wolfgang von Geothe (German playwright, poet, novelist and dramatist (1749-1832)

The Visual Documentation

The Making Process

For you sayang..
my one and only..
Ferris Mokhtar van de Ven

..this is how ummie missing you..
i'm working hard..
as i said, i am moving on..

one day..
hugging and kissing day..
i shall wait

Inspired by Nature - MA Drawing Project Oct 2011

2011-11-13T07:03:00.001+08:00

Ferris look!

..aren't they NICE??

These are ummie's drawings on October 2011

The Sketches

Ummie was sick for 10 days right after came back from MA Drawing Project at Penang National Park on early October. A week ummie didnot going to work. Ummie was on bed the whole week.

But still ummie managed to produce some sketches. There are 7 sketches in total, but only these are in ummie's lappy.

Sketches A3 size, Ink pen

The Final Drawings

It was really hard to draw something really big with charcoal

after 13 years haven't used the medium. It was so struggled to learn all over again

to master again the technique.

Alhamdulillah, at the end ummie managed to produce 2 big final drawing

using charcoal as medium.

Final Drawing 1, A1 size, charcoal

Final Drawing 2, A1 size, charcoal

Final Drawing 2, close up

The Assessment on Nov 02, 2011

Final Drawing assessment

Well, after all...

ummie feels so tired from all the works..

and..ummie misses Ferris so much..

Ummie wish to come back home

and Ferris runs to get ummie like Ferris used to do..

Ya ALLAH, rindunya pada Ferris...

Ferris rindu ummie tak, sayang?

Ummie loves Ferris to much!

Fish kiss for Ferris, ummie

Ummie's painting on Degree Show 1998

2011-11-13T06:43:00.001+08:00

These are ummie last 3 left from 16 paintings ummie has made on ummie's Degree Show 1998.

The rest of them have been sold.

An art collector from Australia came and offered to buy them,

but ummie just refused the offer and keep them as ummie's collections.

They are still in a very good condition, safely store at atok's house...

Still, with the same concept of 'cityscape' but that time was about Kuala Lumpur.

As a someone who born and grown up in KL, in 1998 that time was the major development has been made all over KL, many high raise buildings started to grow rapidly.

How hectic it was, how crowded KL was, the public transports, squatter houses..

too much chaos that time.

Too much different from now, KL is cleaner, more efficient to compare 13 years ago.
And ummie painted them in colorful because that was how ummie saw KL, so alive, joyous and variety of characteristic!! Colors are alive within KL itself!

KL Urban - in BLUE, 4'x4' Acrylic


KL Urban - in GREEN, 4'x4' Acrylic

KL Urban - in RED, 4'x4' Acrylic

Well, ummie tells all these because ummie wants Ferris to know

how ummie has been involved in art.

And now ummie is producing more art..

and it is all about Ferris...

Ummie loves Ferris too much..

ummie remember every inch of Ferris..

the glance of Ferris, Ferris' smiles, Ferris' voice.. even Ferris' smells..

all is still fresh and never go away, forever...

until the day we meet again..

soon, very soon..

God is Great.. if ummie cant find Ferris...but, Ferris will

sayang Ferris!

peluk cium, ummie

Ummie Paintings Oct 2010 - The memories of Europe

2011-11-13T05:55:00.001+08:00

..while we were still HAPPY together

1 year and 7 months after loosing Ferris,

ummie started to paint again..

These personal collection of paintings which ummie

has painted especially dedicated for Ferris..

Do you know why?

1. Most of the time we have spent was in Europe

2. Ferris love 'hotwheels' cars, ummie painted these paintings almost similar with the carpet in Ferris' bedroom at our Spechtstraat house in Belgium.

3. Ummie painted them with Ferris favorite color especially the green one, those were the 1st have finished.

The GREEN series - Maastricht, Nederlands

Ummie's favorite city of all, ummie & oma shopped here a lot!!

Green Series - Green Maastricht (center) 3'x2' Acrylic

Green Series - Green Maastricht (left) 18x24" Acrylic

Green Series - Green Maastricht (right) 18x24" Acrylic

The Purple series - Brussels, Belgium

We went several times, papa, mommy and kak ica, abang der, and daddy,

and with chik Yan & Aunty Mimi

Purple series - Purple Brussles 2'x3' Acrylic

The Blue series - Barcelona, Spain

Blue series - Blue Barcelona (elevated highways) 2'x3' Acrylic

Blue series 1 (left) 18x24" Acrylic

Blue series (right) 2 18x24" Acrylic

Blue series 3, 3'x2' Acrylic

The Red series - Manchester, UK

We have been there many times, just ummie and Ferris

while papa and opa went for ski holiday.

Later we went there again with mommy, kak ica and abang der..

Miya was in mommy's belly that time!

Red series - Manchester 2'x3' Acrylic

The Brown series - Granada, Spain

The Brown series - Tarragona on the way to Malaga 2'x3' - unfinish

The Brown series - a view from Alhambra 2'x3' - unfinish

..ummie waits for Ferris to come back to claim all the paintings. For the moment, ummie will keep them safe at atok's house...

Ummie really wish when Ferris sees these paintings, right away Ferris will get the hotwheels cars and drive them on the paintings...

Ummie loves Ferris so much..

Ummie thinks of Ferris every single fraction second..

Sayang Ferris...

love, ummie

A New Life of ummie just began...

2011-11-10T19:33:00.002+08:00

SMILE for u, sayang ~

To the one whom ummie really love... My beloved one and only son Ferris Mokhtar van de Ven..
wherever u are...ummie just want u to know..everything what is going on around me..that u are always here with me..in my heart, warm and safe
At last...what ummie's been dreaming of for many many years..it's just happened.

I AM DOING IT ~

MA's Drawing Project

6 - 9 Oct 2011

Kerachut Beach

Penang National Park

The Place

The Beach

The Sunset

The Critic Session

Ummie's Sketches

Form & Texture studies

A4 size, yellow book paper

This one has been selected as one of good sketches!

This one also has been selected as one of good sketches in textural studies

:) ..this is the beginning of my journey...

Selamat Pagi Malaysia at RTM1 - 7.40-8am Sunday 28 Aug 2011

2011-08-30T00:25:00.000+08:00

Selamat Pagi Malaysia at RTM1

7.40-8am Sunday 28 Aug 2011

Tajuk: Kubawa Hati Ini

Slot: motivasi bersama
Dr. Ahmad Lothfi Ibrahim
Founder/Chairman of Pyracosmic
www.pyracosmic.com.my

'We still hope they'll come back' - Malay Mail, 26th August 2011

2011-08-29T23:28:00.001+08:00

'We still hope they'll come back'

Submitted by shaza on Friday, August 26th, 2011

G. Prakash

CECILIA VICTOR

Friday, August 26th, 2011 11:22:00

PETALING JAYA: For the past three years, the parents of Sharlinie Mohd Nashar and Ferris Mokhtar have been waiting for their missing children to return to their arms.
And for the last Hari Raya Aidilfitri celebrations, they have been... disappointed. Yet, they share a common trait - they will never give up hope.
Every Raya, the parents would buy new baju raya and lay it out neatly on their children's beds in the hope, if they miraculously return on the big day, they could immediately don the new festive clothes.

Three years and still counting

Mother yearning for return of son taken by foreign ex-husband

NEEDS FUNDS: Elis showing one of the paintings she needs to sell to fund her trip to Belgium to trace her son

GOMBAK: This will be the third Hari Raya Elis Syuhaila Mokhtar would be forced to spend without her only son, Ferris Mokhtar.

"I can't even say it's going to be a Raya celebration, ever since Ferris was taken away. A huge part of my life is missing. Everything I do feels incomplete without him," said the 36-year-old.

When The Malay Mail visited her Selayang home recently, she proudly showed the baju melayu she had bought for her son this Raya.

"I still buy him gifts and clothes for his birthday and Raya, hoping he will return. Despite each disappointment, I continue doing this as I know I'll get him back."

Elis' life has been empty ever since Ferris was taken away by her estranged Dutch ex-husband, Frank Theodorus Van de Ven @ Firdaus, after the couple had a fallout.

Her ordeal started when she and Van de Ven filed for divorce in January 2008. They took weekly turns looking after Ferris until March 5 that year, when the father failed to return the boy.

Later that month, the Shah Alam Syariah Court issued an arrest warrant for the computer programmer and even requested Interpol's cooperation to arrest and stop him from leaving Malaysia.

For Elis, not having heard anything about her son, his whereabouts, and not having even seen a photograph of him, has been an excruciating and harsh reality.

"All I have is Frank's email address I write to almost every day, asking him to at least let me speak to Ferris over the phone, or send me a picture. But he has never replied," she said.

"I want to know how my son looks like now. It has been three years. He turns eight on Dec 7."
Although convinced Ferris is in Belgium, Elis does not believe he is being cared for by her ex.
"Probably Frank's parents are," she said.

Recalling her depression, Elis said at one point, she could only stay home and weep.
"When I was fighting to get my son back, I was busy meeting people, from ministers to police and non-governmental organisations, hoping they could help.

"When all my efforts failed, I didn't know what else to do."
She said even with the support of friends, cousins and her sister, especially, she still could not pull herself together.

But things changed last year when she dreamt of her boy.
"In my dream, Ferris told me he wanted to come home. I was confused, thinking which home he was referring to. I remember crying in the dream when Ferris said to me 'I am fine, Umi (mother)'," she said, holding back tears.

Elis said that dream started her working again so she could save money and go to Belgium to locate her son.

"I was a fine arts student, I started painting again, hoping to sell my artwork. I also started lecturing on the subject in a private college here since February."

She said she would need a lawyer when going to Belgium as there was a chance she could be detained upon entering the country.

"I don't know what Frank has told the authorities there. He had earlier claimed I kidnapped Ferris and fled to Manila in 2007. There's also the ongoing custody battle so I will need legal advice when I go there."

Speaking more to herself than to this reporter at this point, Elis said: "I need to save money and go to Belgium to find my son, that's my motivation every day."

Ferris and Ziedan - their last FUN together

2011-08-23T15:09:00.000+08:00

FERRIS AND ZIEDAN -

...their last FUN together

The Power Rangers actions!!! Exclusive poses!!!

..in the bathroom acts!

..after shower actions

..the actions continue...

..makan ice-cream!

ziedan loves abang yang

abang yang loves ziedan

Miya sings A song for abang Yang (Ferris)

2011-08-22T16:42:00.001+08:00

Miya sings a song for abang Yang (Ferris)

..it's been real awhile since ummie's last post here in this blog. Honestly, ummie just cant find a word what to say or to write here. It doesnt mean that ummie has forgotten about Ferris..

Excuse ummie for this time, baby...
Ummie just gotta move on and start ummie's life all over again. Although it's too hard to keep on living and breathing in this world WITHOUT Ferris.. Well, there is something ummie gotta do to show everyone that ummie is FINE.

But, for the Hari Raya celebrations, as usual, everybody will gather here at atok's house.. Mommy, kak ica, abang der and Miya come back to Malaysia.. and ummie surprised that Miya asked about 'abang yang'..

Since that, she keep on asking 'where is abang yang..' after she saw Ferris little tikes cabby...

And, last night Miya sang a song for Ferris.. she recorded it and ummie gladly post it here for Ferris to see it..

...here some pictures of Ferris and Miya...

as if u have forgotten, Ferris loves Miya so dearly...

Miya just born.

Coincidentally, Ferris and Miya have almost the same bithdate. Miya born on 6 December 2006 and Ferris born on 7 December 2003. When we gotta know that mommy had to deliver Miya, we (ummie, papa and Ferris) already planned to be in Malaysia around the date. When mommy just gave birth to Miya, we all rushed go to Philippines to be there for mommy and Miya.


Papa feeds Miya...she was so tiny that time!


..in the morning.. Miya and Ferris sleep with papa


Miya just loves to sleep with uncle Frank in the morning.. she sleeps safe and sound!

Miya and Ferris at atok's house in Malaysia, May 2007

Miya is driving Ferris' little tikes cabby at atok's house!

Miya and abang yang are drinking milk in Miya's bed, Pacific Plaza, Phil, Dec 2007


Aunty Vergie always took care of Miya and Ferris when we were in Philippines

Abang yang is always taking care of the notty Miya, High Street, Makati, Phil


Miya and Ferris were celebrating their birthday together on 6&7 Dec 2007, at Pacific Plaza, Philippines

Ferris and Miya having fun with their bday presents!!

Miya and abang yang AGAIN!!

Abang yang is sneezing!!! aaaa..chummm

Yea!!! ..now abang yang is smiling again!!

Miya and abang yang at HongKOng Disney, Dec 2007

At Cambridge School - Ferris' school at Makati, Philippines


After the end school year celebration :)

well...Miya requests, she wants to see abang yang...

why abang yang isnt with ummie?

why abang yang's papa took him away?

I really want to see abang yang, ummie..

and

ummie just cant find a word to answer her.. :(

Please BRING BACK FERRIS TO US..

WE LOVE U FERRIS...

ummie loves Ferris so much!!

Sayang sangat sangat sangat

Rindu sangat sangat sangat..

One fine day, baby...

time will come..

just hold on, sayang ~

AL-FATIHAH untuk korban Rumah Anak Yatim Al-Taqwa, Hulu Langat

2011-05-23T21:35:00.003+08:00

Al-fatihah

Ya ALLAH, ampunilah dosa-dosa mereka yang terkorban!

Tempatkahlah mereka di tempat orang-orang yang bertaqwa di syuga sana.
Kuatkanlah semangat para keluarga dan sahabat handai arwah!
Amin amin amin!

Jadilah anak yang beriman ya, sayang ~

Bagaikan teragut nyawa ummie bila ummie dengar berita tentang tragedi tanah runtuh ni, Rumah Anak Yatim dan Anak Hidayah Al-Taqwa di Bt 14, Hulu Langat..dekat sangat dengan rumah unyang. Bila ummie tengok senarai mangsa yang terkorban, airmata ummie tak tertahan lagi, sebak dan terus mencurah-curah.. lagi-lagi bila dua orang daripadanya sebaya dengan Ferris! Seorang sebaya kak Nang, Empat orang sebaya abang Da, dan seorang sebaya anchik!!! Ya ALLAH! Petaka apakah ni? Dosa siapakah semua ni sehinggakan mengorbankan seramai ini yang kebanyakkannya terdiri dari kalangan kanak-kanak!

Ummie terus matikan TV, ummie tak sanggup nak mendengarkan bait-bait ayat yang dibaca oleh pemberita tu lagi! Pagi tadi ummie menyelak surat khabar, lagi mata ummie berair, terasa tersekat kerongkong ummie bila tengok kanak-kanak tu di kebumikan satu liang lahat semuanya! Ya ALLAH, kasihanilah mereka! Lindungilah mereka! Tempatkanlah mereka di tempat para syuhadah! AMIN!

Begitu juga dengan anakku, Ferris yang tak tahu di mana dia berada, apa yang dimakannya, ajaran apa yang diikutnya. Lindungilah anakku dari mala petaka, ya ALLAH! Amin ya Rabbal a'lamin!

Ferris jaga diri baik-baik ya, sayang! Jadilah anak yang disayangi dan disenangi papa, opa dan oma. Ummie taknak apa-apa terjadi pada Ferris, walaupun ummie tak ada bersama dengan Ferris, tapi, doa ummie, semangat ummie, kasih sayang cinta hati ummie ada bersama dengan Ferris. Tak pernah sepicing mata pun ummie terleka tak jaga Ferris!

Ummie sayang Ferris ~

Sambutan HARI IBU di SK Gombak Setia - May 10, 2011

2011-05-23T20:07:00.001+08:00

..again ummie is talking about Ferris...

Ferris! Ferris! Ferris!

Nama Ferris tak pernah lekang dari bibir ummie..

Setiap hari ummie sebut nama Ferris..

Setiap malam sebelum ummie nak tidur ummie ingat Ferris..

ummie cuba ingat muka Ferris,

ummie cuba bayangkan macamana wajah Ferris sekarang,

keletah Ferris... ~ rindu Ferris sangat sangat sangat!!

..selepas 2 tahun 2 bulan ummie tak jumpa Ferris..

walau sekeping gambar Ferris tak pernah dikirimkan pada ummie..

Pada 10 Mei 2011, sempena sambutan Hari Ibu di sekolah ibu,

ibu minta ummie ceritakan kisah Ferris pada kawan-kawan,

kakak-kakak dan abang-abang di SKGS..

Gambar terakhir dengan Ferris semasa main bowling di Times Square

Terima kasih kepada SKGS kerana sudi menjemput ummie berkongsi cerita kisah Ferris,

pada guru-guru dan para-para ibu

yang setia menanti dan memberi sokongan dengan kata-kata dan airmata

dan paling best kepada semua anak-anak murid SKGS

yang sangat menghormati cerita ummie sehingga tiada seorang

pun yang notty dan buat bising!

THANK YOU!

Semasa mula-mula ummie sampai ke SKGS

ibu yang ambil gambar-gambar ummie ni..

Kawan-kawan, kakak-kakak dan abang-abang di SKGS

yang tak sabar-sabar nak dengar ummie cerita kisah Ferris pada mereka

Kawan-kawan, kakak-kakak dan abang-abang

yang sedang sebak..ada yang menangis bila ummie cerita kisah Ferris!

Ummie ceritakan macamana detik-detik

semasa papa ambil Ferris dari dalam pelukan ummie

para-para ibu di belakang pun sama sedang sebak

Sessi autograph buku dan bergambar dengan guru-guru SKGS
dan para-para ibu

Pelukkan kasih yang penuh dengan sokongan

dari para guru-guru, ibu-ibu dan anak-anak murid SKGS

untuk ummie supaya tabah dan tidak berputus asa

untuk terus berusaha cari Ferris sampai dapat..

Sekali lagi TERIMA KASI SEMUA!!

Dah lama sangat ummie tak bercerita tentang Ferris pada sesiapa. Pagi tu, ummie sebak sangat, tetapi ummie gagahkan jua..

Biar semua orang yang mendengarkan kisah Ferris, ambil iktibar! Supaya kawan-kawan, kakak-kakak dan abang-abang di SKGS tahu yang kasih sayang seorang ibu sangat tiada ternilainya..dan kawan-kawan, kakak-kakak dan abang-abang di SKGS sayang pada ibu mereka..macam Ferris sayangkan ummie!

Alhamdulillah semua kawan-kawan, kakak-kakak dan abang-abang di SKGS diam dan kusyuk dengar cerita ummie..auntie-auntie dan semua teacher yang ada pun sama sebak. Ada ramai yang menangis. Bukan ummie nak mereka menangis..sedangkan ummie pun tak menangis. Airmata ummie dah tak ada untuk menangis. Ummie ceritakan kisah Ferris dengan senyuman di bibir ummie..

..sebab pada masa tu wajah Ferris, keletah Ferris dah terbayang-bayang di mata ummie, suara Ferris dah terngiang-ngiang di telinga ummie, bau masam Ferris pun dah terhidu-hidu di pangkal hidung ummie..

Ferris..

ummie loves you so much!

If u ever forgotten ummie, only death keep us apart, baby ~

sayang Ferris...

sayang Ferris sangat sangat sangat!

Love,

ummie Ferris

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY - May 8, 2011

2011-05-08T22:31:00.009+08:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

three of 'US'

Nini Nafaizah Mokhtar - Ibu

Lili Smaili Mokhtar - Mummy

Elis Syuhaila Mokhtar - Ummie

"Three mothers" - ummie, ibu and mummy

Dari Abu Hurairah r.a ia berkata telah datang seorang laki-laki kepada Rasulallah SAW maka ia berkata: “Wahai Rasulullah Rasulullah siapakah yang lebih berhak untuk diberi penghormatan yang sebaik-baiknya? Rasulullah menjawab:”IBUMU” Ia berkata lagi: kemudian siapa? Rasul menjawab:”IBUMU” Dia berkata lagi kemudian: kemudian siapa? Rasulullah menjawab”IBUMU”
Dia berkata lagi: kemudian siapa? Rasullullah menjawab:”AYAHMU”
(Hadis Riwayat BUKHARI DAN MUSLIM).

Khas untuk anak-anak kita;
Ahmad Zuhair Zhafran Ahmad Zamri ~ abang
Lisa Farisya Khairy ~ Kakak
Ahmad Zaim Zarif Ahmad Zamri ~ anchik (abang kecik)
Hakimi Fariss Khairy ~ Bang Da (abang muda)
Nisha Naura Ahmad Zamri ~ Kak Nang
Ferris Mokhtar van de Ven ~ Bang Yang (abang sayang @ young)
Ahmad Zafrin Ziedan Ahmad Zamri ~ Bang Je (abang manja)
Miya Marissa Khairy

Anak-anak ummie....

Dari detik pertama ummie dapat tahu tiap kali bila ibu dan mummy menyampaikan berita gembira mengandungkan kalian, begitu juga pada detik pertama bila ummie khabarkan kepada ibu dan mummy...

Tiada terhingganya kami melonjak kegembiraan. Dari mata kami sudah terpancar suatu perasaan yang amat bahagia, senyuman dibibir kami terus melirik manis, degupan jantung di dada kami tiada terhingga debarannya. Seolah-olah kami menerima sebuah keajaiban dunia yang tiada tolok bandingannya! Dan itulah yang kami rasa pada setiap kali berita gembira itu diperkhabarkan sehinggalah pada saat kelahiran kalian..

Hati kami tidak sabar-sabar menantikan. Jiwa kami sudah menguntum bunga-bungaan. Lagak kami seolah bagaikan mahu melihat wajah kekasih yang amat dirindui.. yakni wajah-wajah kalianlah yang kami nantikan.. tangisan pertama kalianlah yang mahu kami dengarkan..

Abang

Ahmad Zuhair Zhafran

25 February 1996

Abang and ummie - July 2010

Ummie dapat berita dari ibu di bulan terakhir ibu mengandungkan abang. Ummie masa itu masih belajar di UiTM. Gembira tak terhingga rasanya, almaklumlah anak buah pertama dalam keluarga kita; anak kakak sulong ummie!

Pada hari kelahiran abang 25 Feb 1996, ummie dapat berita ibu selamat melahirkan abang, ketika itu ummie ada di kolej. Mummy dan daddy datang jemput bawa atok sekali pergi melawat ibu dan abang di Hospital University, KL. Pertama kali ummie jenguk abang dalam baby basin di hospital tu, abang comel sangat! Pipi abang gembol! Tembam!!! Terus atok panggil abang 'Gedudel' ..ummie pun tak pasti mana atok dapat nama gelaran tu, yang pastinya atok dapat idea dari pipi abang yang montel tu.

Masa mid-term break, ummie terus balik rumah nenek, jaga abang dan ibu. Abang nangis je. Ibu pula masa tu demam teruk. Ummielah yang jaga abang, tukar lampin..semua ummie buat. Ingat lagi, masa tu abang asik nangis. Baju pulak tak cukup, sebab musim hujan. Baju abang semua lembab. Babah terpaksa belikan baju extra untuk abang. Ummie balut abang dengan kain batik. Ummie peluk je abang, ummie tak sanggup nak letak abang takut abang sejuk.

Lagi satu yang ummie ingat, ummie singgah di Toys 'r Us kat Subang Parade (sebab ummie balik naik komuter dari Shah Alam ke Kuang), ummie belikan abang mainan loceng dengan bib baby bertulis "Toys 'r Us' Baby" ..loceng tu harga RM6.90, bib tu harga RM12.90. Ummie beli dengan duit jualan watercolor painting ummie!

Bila ummie tengok abang, untuk pertama kalinya ummie rasa jiwa ummie terisi. Ya, abang anak ummie walaupun ummie tak melahirkan. Ummie sayang abang sama macam ibu sayangkan abang.

Kakak

Lisa Farisya

19 aug 1996

Kakak and ummie - july 2010

Ummie sangat rapat dengan mummy. Di mana mummy, di situlah ummie ada. Semasa mummy mengandungkan kakak, ummie sentiasa berada dengan mummy. Kalau mummy lenguh kaki, ummie urutkan. Kalau mummy sakit pinggang, ummie urutkan. Apa mummy nak, ummi turutkan.

18 Ogos 1996, masa tu musim buah durian. Kita sekuarga semua balik makan durian rumah unyang. Malam tu, kami makan beramai-ramai. Tok Yayah masak sedap. Mummy dan daddy pun ada sama makan. Lepas makan, kami semua seronok sangat makan durian. Nenek dah pesan supaya mummy jangan makan banyak sangat. Tapi entah kenapa, mummy suka hati sangat masa tu, makan durian sambil gelak kuat-kuat. Dah la mummy dah tak boleh nak duduk bersila, mummy gelak sampai keluar airmata.

Tiba-tiba.. Semua jadi kelam kabut! Daddy terus bawa mummy pergi hospital. Ummie and Chik Jam ikut sama, mana tahu kalau-kalau ada apa-apa nanti. Ya, malam tu kami terus ke SJMC. Mummy terus masuk ward. Masa menunggu tu, chik Jam demam. Daddy pula sakit perut. Keesokkan harinya 19 Ogos 1996, Kak Ica lahir. Kak Ica terpaksa dilahirkan awal dengan pembedahan, sebab tali pusat dah berbelit. Masa nurse bawa Kak Ica keluar dari labour room, ummie terus ikut sebab daddy nak qamat kan Kak Ica. Ummie tak sabar-sabar nak tengok kak Ica. Kak Ica, you were so small. Ummie nampak tapak tangan kak Ica warna biru. Berdarah-darah lagi ummie terus cium kakak. Anak buah perempuan ummie yang pertama! Ummie dah terasa kasih sayang ummie pada kak Ica sejak dari dalam kandungan mummy lagi.

Kebetulan pula masa tu ummie dah cuti semester, ummie jaga Kak Ica di rumah nenek. Kak Ica asik nangis je. Nenek kata, kak Ica kembung perut. Kenalah ummie dodoikan kak Ica walaupun ummie mengantuk. Kak Ica tak henti menangis sampailah kak Ica umur 3 bulan lebih! Lagu yang selalu ummie nyanyikan masa dodoi kak Ica; Suatu Masa - M.Nasir, lagu nasyid 1 Muharram. Kak Ica rapat sangat dengan ummie, sebab ummie duduk sama dengan mummy di Shah Alam. Ummie ingat lagi, bila kak Ica dah pandai berjalan, setiap pagi kak Ica akan masuk ke dalam bilik cari ummie dengan buku-buku cerita sekali. Ummie kena bacakan semua buku-buku tu, barulah ummie boleh mandi dan pergi kelas. Buku cerita paling kak Ica suka; Red Riding Hood. Video yg kak Ica suka tengok sampai 10x sehari; Snow White. Masa mummy tak ada maid, ummie terpaksa bawa kakak pergi studio. Kakak anak yang baik. Bila ummie buat painting di studio, kak Ica duduk diam-diam sampai tertidur di tepi ummie. Sampai kawan-kawan ummie semua kenal kak Ica. Kalau kak Ica demam, kak Ica akan cari ummie. Ummie terpaksa bergegas balik dari Penang (masa tu ummie tengah buat research untuk thesis di USM) semata-mata kak Ica demam dan sebut-sebut nama ummie. Mummy suruh ummie balik!

Kakak, ummie loves you so much. And I am sure u are already knew it! Masa Aish lahir, ummie jaga Aish. Kak Ica cemburu sangat! Bila ummie mandi atau peluk Aish, kak Ica buat bising! Ummie geram sangat, ummie kurung kakak dalam bilik. Kakak menangis panggil ummie... Kakak, ummie menyesal sangat ummie marah-marah kakak masa tu. Masa ummie duduk berjauhan dengan kakak, ummie ceritakan pada mummy semuanya..mummy kata; sebab tu Lisa sayang ummie sangat! Sebab ummie sayang pada kak Ica sangat sangat!

Anchik

Ahmad Zaim Zarif

30 July 1997

Anchik and ummie - Raya Sept 2010

'Siapa Dompok ummie???' ...........'dedek! dedek!' kata anchik sambil angkat tangan. Kenapa ummie panggil anchik 'dompok'? Sebab anchik was so cute! Pipi montel, perut boncet! Ibu dan babah panggil anchik 'dedek'.

Masa ummie jaga anchik, ummie baru saja habis belajar. Sebelum itu, ummie duduk rumah mummy jaga Aish (Bang Da). Bila mummy dah dapat orang gaji, ummie tumpang rumah ibu sebab ummie sedang buat research untuk thesis ummie di sekolah ibu; mengajar lukisan tanpa gaji untuk murid tahun 4. Masa itulah, anchik rapat sangat dengan ummie. Malam-malam anchik datang tidur dengan ummie. Masa tu juga, ibu tengah mengandungkan Nisha (Kak Nang). Ummie ingat lagi, masa tu anchik demam. Ibu ambik anchik tido dengan ibu, malam tu jugak anchik berjalan sendiri datang tidur dengan ummie, 'ummie...dedek nak neh' (neh = susu).

Dalam ramai2 kalian semua, anchik lah yang paling notty! Anchik ada je idea nak buat! Satu hari tu, ummie marah sangat dengan anchik. Ummie suruh anchik duduk kat tepi sudut pandang dinding. Anchik masa tu baru 2 tahun lebih. Anchik pandang je dinding, tak bergerak2. Ummie panggil anchik, 'Dek...meh kat ummie..' ..anchik tak pandang pun ummie. Sampailah ummie datang peluk anchik. Pastu baru anchik nangis terus minta neh!

Sampailah sekarang, anchiklah buah hati pengarang jantung ummie. Anchiklah yang suka conteng painting ummie! Lepas tu tak mengaku!! Bila anchik dah besar, anchiklah yang suka dukung Ferris yang montel tu bawak pergi playground. Bila Ferris dah besar, anchik suka tolong ummie mandikan Ferris, suapkan Ferris makan! Masa ummie menangis tak henti2 masa hilang Ferris, anchiklah yang teman ummie. Tidur dengan ummie, pujuk ummie, sikat rambut ummie!

Anchik, ummie loves you so muchh!!! Masa ummie baru-baru kawin dengan Uncle Frank dulu, bila ummie teringat suruh anchik pandang dinding tu, ummie nangis kuat-kuat!!! Ummie rasa bersalah sangat hukum anchik! Kalau anchik nak tahu, ummie pernah gaduh dengan ibu sebab ibu marah anchik dengan abang main shampoo, ibu bantai anchik dengan abang sampai birat! Masa tu ibu tengah mengandungkan Nisha. Ummie nak pukul belakang ibu sebab marah sangat ummie dah pukul beberapa kali tapi tak kena, langsung ibu gelakkan ummie!

Aish a.k.a Abang Da

Hakimi Fariss

13 Aug 1998

Aish a.k.a Bang Da and ummie, July 2010

Ummie jaga Aish dari hari pertama Aish lahir! Tali pusat Aish tanggal pun dengan ummie, masa ummie tengah mandikan Aish. Kebetulan masa tu ummie baru je habis belajar pada Ogos 1998. Bila ummie dapat tahu yang mummy dah sakit, ummie balik rumah dan terus bawak mummy pergi SJMC naik teksi! Masa tu, daddy kerja. Bila daddy sampai, daddy hantar ummie balik dengan kakak. Unyang (belah daddy) ada masa tu temankan ummie.

Ummie panggil Aish ''budak hitam'. Bila pakaikan baju Aish, ummie selalu nyanyikan.. 'Budak Hitam oh si budak hitam! Hitam hitam si tampuk manggis! Luar hitam dalamnya putih manis!'.

Bila Aish dah pandai cakap, Aish becok sangat. Nakal. Semua Aish nak! Manja teramat! Aish selalu pujuk ummie bila ummie nak pergi kerja; ummie, yomlah gi Megamall'. 'Megamall?' (MidValley). ''Tak yah la Megamall, Sogomall boleh?' .. 'Ummie tak yah work, yomlah gi Sogomall..' mcm tulah Aish pujuk ummie. Aish suka sangat patung polar bear company Blondal, ada kat tepi highway tu, betul-betul kat tol subang-shah alam tu.

Paling best, bila ummie berpeluh-peluh lepas masak, ummie selalu kata, 'Siapa sayang ummie, cium ketiak ummie!' hahahahah Aish lah orang pertama akan berlari dan cium ketiak ummie, walaupun mummy dan daddy pura-pura muntah, kononnya kotor! Aish tak kira, Aish cium jugak!

Bila ummie pergi dating dengan Uncle Frank, ummie akan bawa kakak dan Aish sama. Aish akan ummie dukung sepanjang masa, walaupun masa tu Aish dah besar! Bila ummie dapat baby Ferris, Aish lah yang paling happy. Aish selalu kata; Ferris is the cutest baby in the world! Aish suka sangat bila ummie letak nama baby Ferris sempena nama Aish! Bila Ferris dah besar, Aish lah yang paling Ferris sayang! Ferris panggil Bang Da... Semua baju nak sama. Ferris tak pernah berpisah tidur dengan ummie, tapi tido dengan bang da, dia sanggup!

And I am sure you do know how much ummie loves you ~

Kak Nang

Nisha Naura

26 July 1999

Kak Nang and ummie - May 2011

Ummie sempat jaga kak Nang masa baru lahir di rumah nenek. Nama Nang tu atok yang kasi - Inang Suri.

Surat dari Nisha - 2006

Masa ummie dah kawin dengan uncle Frank, duduk jauh-jauh, setiap kali ummie talifon ibu, nanti kak Nang nyanyikan lagu arab 'ummie.. ummie.. ummie' untuk ummie sambil nangis! Setiap kali ummie berangkat balik ke Belgium, kak Nang mesti ada surat untuk ummie. Semua surat-surat kak Nang tu, ummie ada simpan. Tapi, buat masa ni, ini saja yang ada pada ummie, sebab selainnya ummie simpan kat rumah di Belgium. Bila ummie baca surat kak Nang ni dlm kapal terbang, umme nangis! Ummie terharu sangat! Sebab masa kak Nang kecik-kecik dulu, kak Nang manja sangat dengan uncle Frank. Mana gambar kak Nang mesti uncle Frank tengah dukung, dalam video pun!

Tapi, sekarang uncle Frank dah tak ada dengan kita. Dan ummie pun dah tak duduk jauh-jauh. Ummie ada sini! Sepanjang ummie duduk rumah ibu selepas uncle Frank bawa Ferris pergi, Kak Nang selalu hiburkan hati ummie. Tiap kali balik sekolah, kak Nang selalu belikan ummie jajan. Ada sekali tu, kak Nang belikan ummie nasi lemak kantin sekolah. Thank you kak Nang!! Ummie sayang kak Nang!!!

Abang Yang

Ferris Mokhtar

07 Dec 2003

Ferris and ummie - on the last day Mar,2009

Ferris Mokhtar van de Ven. My son!!! Masa ummie khabarkan kepada ibu dan mummy yang ummie mengandungkan Ferris, ibu dan mummy happy sangat! Masa tu, ummie dan papa ada di Belgium. Bulan ke-6, ummie balik Malaysia. Tapi masa tu, ummie and papa menetap di Pulau Langkawi. Kerana tak tahan alahan, ummie terus cari rumah di KL, sebab ummie nak lahirkan Ferris di Selangor juga! Ummie dan mummy pun cari lah rumah-rumah sekitar KL, akhirnya dapat rumah di Percinct 10, Putrajaya.

Masa ummie nak lahirkan Ferris, ibu dan babah, mummy dan daddy datang hospital pukul 5 pagi! Papa tak berganjak ke mana temankan ummie, makan pun tak. Pergi toilet pun papa cepat-cepat datang balik! Oma pun ada masa tu, oma datang semata-mata nak tunggu Ferris lahir! Oma and ibu tunggu ummie melahirkan Ferris selama 15 jam! Mummy terpaksa balik rumah sebab jaga abang, kakak, anchik and kak Nang. Babah yang azankan Ferris. Semoga Ferris pun jadi macam babah, anak yang soleh dan suami yang penyayang, juga abang ipar yang pengasih! Petang tu, bila Ferris lahir, semua datang. Mummy datang dengan atok. Atok bacakan surah 'Lailatulqadr' untuk Ferris supaya Ferris jadi anak yang berani!

I have told in most of my writings about Ferris. Semuanya pasal Ferris. Baiklah ummie ringkaskan sahaja di sini! Semua anak-anak tahu, walaupun anak kandung ummie dia ialah Ferris ni, tapi, ummie tahu kalian semua dah tahu awal-awal lagi yang kasih sayang ummie pada kalian semua tak berbelah bagi!

Ferris pun tak pernah anggap abang, kakak, anchik, abang da, kak nang, ziedan n Miya orang lain. Uncle Frank selalu terang yang kalian semua tu hanya 'sepupu' atau 'cousin' ..Ferris still nak cakap, my brother is Abang Da.. My sister is baby Miya.. Anchik is my brother.. jangan marah kak Ica, he only came to you when he had fought with Aish! ..and kak Nang kalau anchik marah-marah! Tapi kalau main bola.. abang apan!!!

Masa makamah perintahkan membenarkan papa melawat Ferris selama seminggu, ibu yang pengsan dulu. Bila ummie cari ibu di belakang, ummie nampak ibu terjelepuk kat lantai tepi toilet. Ibu nampak je ummie, ibu terus bangun. Pura-pura yang ibu tak apa-apa. Ibu taknak ummie tahu yang ibu sangat sedih masa tu.

Bila Ferris hilang, ummie macam tak percaya. Mummy yang menangis-nangis dalam talifon. Mummy yang merana risaukan Ferris, risaukan ummie. Mummy depressed sampai jadi kurus sangat. Mummy terpaksa ambil 'calm pills'. Bila mummy balik KL, masa tu nak hari Raya, mummy belikan Ferris baju Melayu, songkok, kasut. Setiap kali mummy beli apa-apa untuk semua orang, untuk Ferris mesti ada. Masa hari Raya, duit raya untuk Ferris pun ada dari ibu and babah, mummy and daddy, atok Manap and wan Senah pun kasi duit raya pada Ferris. Duit raya tu semua ibu simpankan untuk Ferris!

Ziedan (Abang Je)

Ahmad Zafrin Ziedan

30 July 2004

ziedan & ummie
di Pesta Buku Antarabangsa
Apr 2011

Semasa ibu lahirkan Ziedan, ummie tak ada di Malaysia. Masa tu abang yang baru je umur 7 bulan. Tapi, ummie belikan Ziedan set baby beddings sama macam abang Yang. Ibu kata, Ziedan putih melepak kenan abang Yang. Memang betul, ummie tengok gambar Ziedan, memang Ziedan putih melepak dan gebu macam abang Yang.

Ziedan paling notty. Paling kecik susuk tubuhnya! Paling petah bercakap! Petah melawan! Semuanya Ziedan! Kalau Ziedan mula berceloteh, babah yang tengah drive pun boleh tergelak! Ada saja idea Ziedan nak melawan!

Tapi, Ziedan paling abang Yang rapat. Main, gaduh semuanya dengan Ziedan. Masa hari terakhir abang Yang nak kena ambik dengan uncle Frank tu, abang Yang rayu supaya Ziedan teman dia, tak payah ikut ibu pergi beli bunga kat SSF. Tapi, Ziedan pergi juga. Abang Yang nangis merayu ummie supaya call ibu balik, abang Yang nak ikut ibu sebab Ziedan ikut ibu.

Walaupun Ziedan notty, ummie sayangkan Ziedan sangat sangat! Cuma, lepas abang Yang tak ada, ummie tak sanggup nak peluk-peluk dan cium-cium Ziedan macam selalu, sebab ummie sedang rawat hati ummie yang hancur berkecai ni. Zeidan tahu ummie rindukan abang Yang sangat! Ziedan sayang abang Yang juga kan! Tapi, sekarang alhamdulillah ummie dah semakin pulih! Cuma Ziedan je yang dah tak mahu! Kan Ziedan dah besar!

Miya

Miya Marissa

6 Dec 2006

Miya, Apr 2011

Inilah dia yang paling bongsu (?) ..yang paling mengada-ngada. Yang paling manja! Yang paling pandai pujuk rayu abang-abang dan kakak-kakak dia! Siapa lagi kalau bukan Miss Miya Marissa anak dara Encik Khairy Hassan ni hah! Semua orang kata Miya macam ummie. Ya, Miya memang macam ummie sebab Miya tembam + debab kan!!! Hahahaha ..mesti ramai setuju kan????? (suka la tewww)

Jangka2 Miya nak lahir, ummie dah balik Malaysia awal-awal! Miya lahir sahaja, ummie and uncle Frank and Bang Yang terus terus terbang ke Manila. Masa tu mummy and daddy menetap di Manila. Mummy mengadu pada ummie yang mummy dah lupa macamana nak jaga baby! Jadi tu, ummie terpaksalah jaga Miya. Selama sebulan ummie, uncle Frank and abang Yang duduk di Manila.

Miya and ummie, July 2010

Tapi, oleh kerana ummie and mummy sangat suka shopping, ummie dah kendong Miya dalam babybjorn, abang Yang punya masa baby dulu, kita merayau ke GreenHill beli South Sea Pearls! Teringat lagi masa tu, abang Yang baru practice tak pakai diaper, abang Yang terkencing dalam seluar!

Dari segi cara bercakap, cara bergurau, Miya lah yang paling sama dengan abang Yang. Mummy selalu cakap yang ada kalanya kalau Miya bercakap, alun bunyi cara bercakap Miya sama macam abang Yang. Padahal, Miya baby lagi masa abang Yang ada dengan kita. Ummie ingat lagi masa hari terakhir, masa abang Yang nak pergi, Miya lah yang menangis paling kuat. Masa tu Aunty Vergie dukung Miya. Miya panggil abang Yang, Miya nak ikut sama. Ummie sayang Miya sangat sangat! Insyallah kita jumpa abang Yang lagi ya!

"..telah diciptakan olehNya suatu ikatan yang cukup teguh dan sebuah kasih sayang yang tiada tolok bandingan hebatnya disulami pula sebuah kejiwaan yang teramat indah untuk dijalini seeratnya antara ibu dan anak. Sembilan bulan sepuluh hari bersusah payah anak dikandungkan, diuji antara hidup dan mati semasa melahirkan. Diduga kesabarannya membesarkan si anak lantas menjadikan si ibu seorang yang kuat, tabah dan luhur kasih sayangnya. Tiada mengenal penat dan lelah! Begitulah saratnya cinta dan pengorbanannya ~ hanya untukmu, anakku!" - Elis Mokhtar

Pernahkah kita mengeluh?

Selamat Hari Ibu!!

Berita Harian Mei 07, 2011 - KASIH IBU

2011-05-07T22:46:00.001+08:00

KASIH IBUOleh Nor Affizar Ibrahim dan Fatin Hafizah Mohd Shahar
bhnita@bharian.com.my
2011/05/07

Elis Syuhaila Mokhtar
Zulfa Zainal Abidin
Zariah Muhammad

Pengorbanan bonda tercinta tiada noktah

HARI Ibu dianggap sebagai tanda meluahkan rasa cinta, hormat, kasih sayang dan terima kasih di atas pengorbanan yang dicurahkan kepada kita yang sebenarnya tidak pernah ada noktah.

Jika diimbas, Hari Ibu yang pertama disambut di Amerika Syarikat pada 1914 yang kemudian tersebar ke seluruh dunia dengan sambutan yang berbeza mengikut kaedah masing-masing.

Keunggulan dan keagungan ibu juga amat tinggi sehingga sering diingatkan bahawa ‘syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu’. Anak juga amat dituntut menghormati dan tidak sekali-kali menderhaka kepada ibu. Sebagai insan masing-masing mempunyai cerita dan pengalaman mengenai ibu. Sempena Hari Ibu, RATU paparkan kisah perspektif mengenai ibu.

Pensyarah Fakulti Seni Bina dan Pembangunan Alam Sekitar, Universiti Kolej Twintech, Elis Syuhaila Mokhtar, 35, Pensyarah

“PADA 5 Mac lalu, genap dua tahun saya tidak berjumpa Ferris Mokhtar Ven De Ven yang kini sudah pun berusia lapan tahun. Tetapi saya masih tidak berputus asa untuk mencari anak tunggal saya itu yang dipercayai dibawa lari oleh bekas suami, Firdaus @ Frank Theodorus Van De Ven, 40, keluar dari Malaysia dan dibawa ke Belgium.
Baru-baru ini, saya menyambut hari jadi saya dan ia membuatkan saya terus merindui Ferris terutama apabila mengingatkan yang dia suka menyanyikan lagu untuk saya Sean Kingston dan berkata nakal, Ummie seorang gadis terlalu cantik serta menyentuh dagu saya sambil bernyanyi, kemudian mencium saya lagi dan lagi. Saat itu memang cukup membahagiakan.

Mengenangkan Ferris, membuatkan saya berasa amat sedih dan berasakan hampir setengah mati kerana terpaksa melalui hidup tanpa bersama seseorang yang paling penting dalam hidup saya. Tetapi saya masih mempunyai keyakinan dalam diri bahawa kasih sayang dan cinta murni antara ibu dan anak ada keajaiban tersendiri serta mengharapkannya cepat berlaku dan Ferris akan segera kembali kepada saya.

Biarpun tidak berada di depan mata, sebagai seorang ibu saya sentiasa bimbang mengenai kesihatan fizikal dan mental Ferris, di samping berharap selalu dilindungi-Nya dan berada dalam kesejahteraan.

Kenangan sambutan Hari Ibu yang masih terpahat hingga kini ialah semasa Ferris berusia empat tahun. Ketika itu, di sekolah Ferris ada meraikan sambutan Hari Ibu dan gurunya menyuruh semua kanak-kanak mengecap jari mereka pada batu marmar yang bertulis - I Love You Mama. Semua rakan Ferris berbuat demikian dan menulis perkataan itu tetapi Ferris hanya menulis I Love You dan apabila ditanya gurunya mengapa tidak menulis Mama dia memberitahu, dia memanggil saya Ummi.

Ini memang melucukan dan paling saya tidak lupa, balik saja dari sekolah dia terus menjerit-jerit memanggil nama saya untuk menunjuk hasil kerjanya itu. Sayangnya, batu marmar yang mempunyai kenangan cap jari Ferris itu tertinggal di rumah lama kami. Jika ada tentu saya akan menyimpannya baik-baik dan menjadikan pengubat rindu.

Ferris memang tidak pernah memberi saya hadiah pada Hari Ibu kerana dia masih kecil dan tidak faham mengenai sambutan hari itu. Tetapi Ferris pernah bertanya kepada saya apa itu Hari Ibu dan mengapa perlu menyambutnya. Saya cuma menerangkan kepadanya, Hari Ibu di sambut seluruh dunia dan khusus untuk ibu tercinta tetapi kata Ferris dia sentiasa sayangkan saya setiap masa.

Untuk menunjukkan kasih sayangnya kepada saya, Ferris ada kala teruja untuk memberikan saya hadiah terutama pada ulang tahun kelahiran saya. Pernah, satu ketika dia begitu beriya-iya membungkus kereta mainan miliknya dan memberikan saya sebagai hadiah. Gelagatnya memang sentiasa menghiburkan hati saya.

Mengenangkan ketiadaan Ferris membuatkan hati saya parah dan di pejabat apabila rakan bercerita mengenai anak masing-masing, sesekali memang hendak menyampuk serta ingin bercerita keletah anak tunggal saya itu. Tetapi saya hanya mampu imaginasi saja. Saya tidak mahu semua kenangan saya bersama Ferris dan wajah comelnya luput dalam ingatan tetapi mengingatkannya membuatkan saya sentiasa menitis air mata. Inilah antara dilema dan kerinduan sebagai ibu yang saya alami sehingga ke hari ini.

Saya belum meletakkan noktah dalam pencarian saya terhadap Ferris dan sebab itulah saya masih mahu merayu kerajaan Malaysia atau Wisma Putra tolong saya untuk mendapatkan anak kandung saya itu. Ketika Hari Ibu menjelang tiba ini, hati saya menjadi sayu.

Penolong Pendaftar Kanan Universiti Teknologi Mara (UiTM), Zulfa Zainal Abidin, 41

“SAYA kehilangan ibu sejak berusia dua tahun, kemudian dibesarkan oleh ibu saudara dan keempat-empat kakak tetapi ketika berusia enam tahun saya mendapat ‘ibu baru’ apabila bapa berkahwin lain.

“Sebelum bapa berkahwin, ada jiran yang bercerita dan mengingatkan ibu tiri garang dan suka pukul anak tiri. Kebetulan, waktu itu jiran saya juga mempunyai ibu tiri dan memang garang serta suka memukul anak tirinya. Tetapi seingat saya, ketika itu tiada perasaan takut sebaliknya, ada perasaan seronok kerana dapat ibu baru. Lalu, sering juga saya menyanyi lagu, ‘Bapaku kahwin lagi.

Walaupun tidak begitu manja dengan ibu tiri, saya tetap mendapat kasih sayangnya. Sehingga sekarang hubungan dengan ibu tiri yang saya panggil ‘makcik’ memang baik, malah ketika kecil saya tidak dipukul seperti mana yang kita lihat dalam filem betapa garang dan kejamnya ibu tiri melayani anak tirinya.

Bagaimanapun, memang ada perbezaan kasih sayang antara ibu tiri dengan ibu kandung dan tidak dinafikan, kadang-kadang terasa hati, tetapi apabila sudah dewasa dan sudah bergelar ibu kepada empat cahaya mata, faham kenapa adanya perbezaan macam itu.

Seorang ibu kandung yang melahirkan anak, menyusu serta membesarkan anak itu dengan tangannya sendiri tentu dapat lebih rasakan betapa dekatnya ikatan ibu dan anak itu.

Hubungan saya dengan ibu tiri tidak akrab seperti itu kerana mungkin juga dia hadir dalam hidup ketika saya sudah besar dan boleh berdikari. Saya mula dijaga ibu tiri ketika berusia enam tahun. Mungkin kalau saya dijaganya sejak bayi jalinan hubungan kasih sayang dan keakraban itu tentu lebih kuat lagi.

Apapun, saya tetap menghargai kasih sayang yang ibu tiri berikan dan rasa hormat serta ambil berat tetap ada sebab apa-apa pun dia berjasa juga pada kami semua terutama ketika Allahyarham ayah sakit sebulan lebih di hospital.

Bagaimanapun, saya tetap menghargai jasa ibu tiri kerana menjaga ayah sepenuh masa sehingga sanggup tidur di bangku lipat. Sekiranya tidak ada ibu tiri mungkin kami adik beradik tidak mampu hendak jaga seumpama itu dan paling penting kehadirannya cukup membahagiakan ayah.

Orang kampung macam kami tidak menyambutnya cuma sekarang ini baru perasan ada Hari Ibu. Anak saya pula masih kecil dan tidak faham pun mengenai sambutan itu. Bagi mereka, asal Ummi mereka ada di rumah sekurang-kurangnya petang dan malam, itu sudah cukup. Untuk ibu tiri, saya dan adik beradik lain juga tidak meraikannya kerana menganggap ia bukan budaya dalam keluarga sebaliknya, kami akan memberi hadiah atau makan tidak kira hari-hari tertentu. Jika ada kesempatan berkumpul dengan keluarga, ketika itu kami akan belikan apa-apa yang patut kemudian berikan dan tidak perlu hendak bungkus cantik.

Sepatutnya, setiap hari adalah Hari Ibu dan sebagai insan yang melahir dan menjaga kita, ibu patut dihargai dan dihormati sepanjang masa dan bukan pada hanya hari tertentu saja.

Pegawai Bank, Zariah Muhammad, 41

SETIAP hari adalah untuk ibu kerana dialah kita hadir di dunia ini. Justeru, bagi sesiapa yang masih ada ibu, rugi rasanya jika tidak mengambil kesempatan untuk meluangkan masa bersama dengannya. Semasa hayat ibu masih adalah, kita perlu sentiasa dekatkan diri dengannya, jika esok lusa tiada pasti akan rasa kehilangan besar dalam hidup.

Namun, meraikan sambutan Hari Ibu mungkin sesuatu yang lebih istimewa kerana pada hari itulah saya akan menghadiahkan atau melakukan sesuatu yang lebih bermakna sebagai tanda kasih dan penghargaan kepadanya.

Lazimnya, saya akan membawanya melancong atau mengajaknya makan di restoran makanan laut digemari tetapi sejak empat tahun lalu, ibu sakit terlantar dan terdaya untuk bergerak jauh. Oleh itu saya lebih suka masak makanan kegemarannya dan makan bersama sekeluarga.

Sebagai ibu pula, dua orang anak saya juga tidak lupa menghadiahkan sesuatu bagi meraikan hari ibu. Hadiah yang mereka berikan biasanya ialah barangan saya sukai seperti coklat yang diubah dalam bentuk jambangan.

Ummie's 36th Birthday Celebration April 6, 2011

2011-04-27T14:45:00.030+08:00

Ha ha ha ha..

I just cant believe it!!!

..ummie just celebrated ummie's 36th birthday celebration! Oh my! Can u imagine that; your ummie is 26 years old? ..woopss... wrong one... 36 years old?????

Do i look 36, baby?

Yeah yeah... i still remember, Ferris used to say: "..ummie is sexy!"

He used to sing for me Sean Kingston's song: "..you're way too beautiful girl..." and touched my chin while singing it and then kissed me again and again.

Oh man... he is a sweet lil guy! Tell ya, baby... yes I am.. your ummie is SEXY (ahem!) and ...still as beautiful girl as u loved to sing for her!!

Yeah, on the 6th April 2011..ummie received very special flower bouquets delivery at the office!

11 buds of bordeaux red roses.. clear-arranged! No extra leaves or side flowers... why 11 buds? I dont know.. Why clear-arranged.. because ummie loves that way! It looks clean and 'clear and contented' ..(????)

I remember, one morning Ferris and papa went out for bread and came back with a huge bouquet of yellow roses.. HAPPY MOTHER's DAY, ummie! ..it was on year 2006.. the peak of the love nest of happiness.

PINK PINK PINK PINK!

Pink and red roses from Untie Gie!! Thank you GG!!! ..u know what... untie G is a florist now.. she does the flower arrangement.. and she has boyfriend!! He is Uncle Syuk!!! I remembered, Ferris once had cried because he thought his Untie Gie has bf!!! Ha ha ha ha! Now, u dont need to cry anymore... auntie G is having a bf!! And u know who is Uncle Syuk well!! The one who always teased u!!!!

From auntie Ayun and Kak Ain, ummie's friends at the college.

Surprise belated birthday celebration at the library!! Thank you!! Thank you to chik Wan, chik Ida, chik sha, chik Emy, and uncle Im! :) They all from the library's team.

..no one could ever make ummie's face sour and sad again.. she is breathing, kicking and ALIVE!

Baby, although life isnt that wonderful as we thought, although going through a life without being with someone who is the most important in my life.. which i almost half dead being apart from you..

I must move on..

I have faith in us, for our affections and pure love.. mother and son.. i believe a miracle will happen and you will be right back to me..

Thus, i am learning to accept it whether soon or sooner or later..

my love for u would never be compared and it is growing and keep on living through all over the universe..

"..if wind blows you.. that is me, baby... your ummie is caressing u from far far away.."

I love u, Ferris.. and u know that i will always do ~

ummie sayang Ferris!

I am doing my way...

2011-04-26T16:55:00.004+08:00

Again today i have such fully inspirations to share here. This is the continuous from the previous post. Again, i would like to say; they said.. in life u just only can choose one and pick one!

Well, i have taken the right way. I chose to get out from the mud pit and knocked off my nut shell and survive. Alhamdulillah, i have survived. I have survived my depression for almost 2 years without taking any medication or any help from motivators.. all i did was self motivation - learn to understand the concept of 'fate' and how to let go..

(Those photo frames are belong to Ferris, we bought it long time ago and his collection Speed Racer hotwheels cars which he used to carry them everywhere in his pocket, he loves them and i will keep them for him till he comes back)

Well, i admit it myself. No matter how strong i am now... i still wish this should never happened in my life. Too much pain, really. Everyday i wake up in the morning, i wish everything is happened just a very bad long nightmare; i wish i get up in the morning and everything is suppose to be on its way like it used to be - me in my PJs, cold, rushed to the kitchen preparing breakfast.. Ferris is already on the couch watching 'Thunderbirds' and Frank is sitting in his mini office browsing news on his computer. Well, i know i gotta wake up and face the real world that all those just dreams away.. something that will never come back. I have to accept the reality.. those just part of memories which always be buried deeply in my thoughts.

After so many years, so much pains i have to bear, i am here right now..

..still paddling my life to reach at the certain point of level which i must do it my way..

When i was married to Frank...i have complained, i wanted to have back my life, i wanted to be independent, i wanted to get back to school, i wanted to teach again.. i wanted this.. i wanted that.. so many things i wanted to do.. which i just cant. I was a married woman, a wife, a mother and a daughter-in-law. Now, God has granted my wish.. and here I am.. I'm doing it my way. But, still i am too greedy to say that this is not what i want.. this is not what i expected! To be ALONE. However, i must get myself back together and be contented. Because i already knew this is going to happen anyway. And i am learning to accept it..

To Ferris, sayang...ummie is doing well..

To Frank...take a look at me now...how far i have gone.. and how i have survived my life.

And to anyone out there, i am not scared of u anymore. I believe that not everyone in this world is meant to hurt me. I am no longer hopeless with my life.. no matter what u have talked or said about me positively or in negative way... i am doing pretty well, as u can see it. And i am working hard to feel the joyous of my present life.

For this i have learned from the pain i've been through, that everything in this world is just a borrowing (pinjaman) ..and not everything that we want will be sure it belongs to us. No matter how sweet the promises.. no matter how accurate it has planned... He knows better! When He said, 'kun faya kun' - it happened.. it must happened.. not even a second tick of delays, while when it is not yet happened, it will not yet be happened! ..even for thousand years.

and even u baby..no matter how much u love me.. or u have tried to love me or even no matter how hard u have loved me... i must let it go. Letting go what u thought was yours isnt easy thing to do but it is also not impossible. Jodoh pertemuan, ajal maut di tangan Tuhan.. who are we to disagree? NONE

For that... i will stay here and be with u although in real or illusions, I WILL BE HERE. And i wait for something miracle will happen and bring back u to me in whole. Demi Allah...i love u too much! Not even a second in my life i ever forgotten to not to love u.. And all i do, did or done for u are come from my purest sincerity. No matter how far u run, or hide. No one could ever compared the power of 'fate' that it will bring u back to me...

..i surrender myself ~

Because, if u are with me...i want u to be with me, not because u feel responsible or u feel sorry for what i've been through or because the promises u have made to me - I want u whole and i want u to stay because of me, because i am important to u as a part of u as your second self whom u cant live without. In return, the only thing that i want from u is only one ..it is LOVE.

..let me feel love and to be loved. Sympathy isnt love ~

(pic with abang apan, anchik, kak nang and ziedan right before we went to PWTC)

ummie sayang Ferris..

....it's been quite awhile..

2011-04-25T19:37:00.019+08:00

..it's been awhile...

Yeah, it's been awhile i didnt update my blog. I just couldnt find a word what shall i tell Ferris about me and my life has been going on. I just cant tell the same thing each time..about how i'm missing him..or how greatest moment it was when we were still together.. At this time i want him to know that i am getting better.. although hard to say that i am moving on my life; with or without him.

They said, i must move on..yes, i am doing it. No matter how hard it is, i gotta do it whether i like it or not.. IT'S A MUST! Well, so far so good. And here i am.. being busy again, though still havent busy enough for me to put myself off from not to think about Ferris.. what he is doing, where he is and how he is now. I thought i have given up, lost hope and let it go.. NO I DONT. Not yet.. not even think about it!

When i was interviewed by Inn Mahat last week at my eldest sister's house, a reporter from Nona TV3 (the pic next). He asked me; how did i survive my depression? Yeah.. i asked myself.. HOW? I never thought about it! Then, i came out with something; 1st I thought i have lost everything. After loosing Ferris, i just decided no more happiness for me - i dont deserve it! I should be punished for my deeds for letting him go. I cant stop condemning myself for what i have done to my family, my marriage. I just cant stop feeling guilty of hurting everyone who loves/loved me! - That wasnt a good way to answer it. Then I thought of someone who came to my life and said; 'Elis.. you just love to hurt yourself. You are very good in making yourself sad.. Stop doing that and move on! ..let it go! How come God gives Ferris back to u while u cant even set up your own life!' - That was a big slap on my face and woke me up from my long 'comfort zone' daydream. It has changed my life totally. I stopped crying or wallowing my self pity. I AM NOT THAT CRYING WOMAN ANYMORE!

I started to paint. All those grayish sceneries turned out slowly into the variety of colors and keep adding up new colors each time, bright and colorful. It is wonderful. I feel wonderful, fullness and contented for the first time. (My latest paintings pic below - my vivid memories of European cities where i have spent most of the time with Frank and also these are for Ferris, for his hotwheels cars' track)

Form that point it has continued to another point. And those points keep on repeating and continuous endlessly. Those points has created one big shape. Solid and formed. It's given me the missing part that i've been searching for so long. One day i woke up and i just decided to go to work. It was a big step ahead. Still, working and being attached to a company as an employee is a HUGE thing for me. I never wanted to live here and to be here, not to settle down here. I never felt that i belong here. But where do i belong to? I dont know. I cant find a word to answer that. At the beginning, i just put myself still inside the nutshell and i decided to go to work just to put away my loneliness.. Though, it was a new step. I would not know what will happen next.

Took me few weeks to realize that this is what i have wanted since the beginning. Ok. I am working now. I am giving the educational lessons to my students. I started to enjoy it - meeting new friends, being in the society again. But the feelings were still in my nutshell; i still refused any tendencies. Until one day, one of my final year student came to me to show his design report.. he wrote; 'million thanks to Puan Elis Mokhtar whom never gave up to guide and inspire me for this report until i have done this best'. I felt choke. My eyes were watery. Although it was just a common thanks wordings for any reports or journals or thesis..but it has touched my heart. I FELT USEFUL! Oh God, finally i felt useful! Only God knows how deep it has given the impact into my darkness world of loneliness. And the addition of the chaos classes i m teaching, they just occupied me. They cheered me up each time. (pic of me and my students on right above on Scout Day last March 2011).

Slowly all these have stimulated me back into a new bright direction of my life. Not only that, i met friends that really nice and very sweet to me (pic next; me, Ain and Ayun).

Not least, on last Sunday at the PWTC, Inn Mahat came again to interview me. And his last question was; 'Where this strength came from to achieve this far.?' Well, i tried my best to be spontaneous and acted like i am ok. Hey, i am moving on now! I dont wanna cry in front of camera anymore! Calmly, i gave him kinda general answers, like other people always said..the motivational words. Honestly, i have lied! I tried to say it easy how proud i am succeeded get out from my awful depression..i have failed. I cant answer it such that surface answers.. my tongue twisted! I cant even say a word without mentioning my son's name. Finally, i took a deep breathe and said it out loud; 'Ferris.. this is for you! Because of u, ummie has gone this far!'

ummie sayang Ferris..

Pesta Buku Antarabangsa PWTC 24 April 2011

2011-04-25T19:25:00.004+08:00

'Kubawa Hati Ini'

with Inn, a reporter from Nona TV3..

Thanks Inn for coming and recording my book's promotion.

Will be air on Nona on coming May

..with uncle Jack..

"Ferris loves................"

".................uncle Jack!"

Thank you for the supports..

and...

of course this is for u, Ferris..

you are my strength, my hope ...my life!

Wishing u were here...

sayang Ferris ~

PESTA BUKU ANTARABANGSA PWTC 24Apr2011 4-7 ptg

2011-04-23T11:06:00.002+08:00

PESTA BUKU ANTARABANGSA PWTC

24Apr2011 (Sunday)

4-7 pm

Karang kraf booth

See ya there!

KOSMO! March 25, 2011

2011-03-25T12:06:00.002+08:00

25 Mac 2011

Ellis melukis demi Ferris

Oleh MAZLINA ABDUL MAJID
mazlina.majid@kosmo.com.my

TERLALU banyak kesedihan yang bersarang di dalam hati wanita ini. Dia merasakan di dunia ini dia bersendirian. Dalam setiap hela nafasnya, dia gagal mencegah diri daripada terus mengingati seorang kanak-kanaka lelaki bernama Ferris Mokhtar de Ven.

Wanita itu, Elis Syuhaila Mokhtar, 36, berkata hilangnya panggilan ‘ummi’ daripada mulut Ferris yang mungil itu membuatkan hidupnya terseksa.

Bebola matanya menceritakan betapa besar luka di hatinya. Penulis bertanya, adakah dia sudah berhenti berharap dan tidak dapat bersabar lagi?

Elis pantas mencelah: “Apa itu makna sabar, perkataan itu rumit untuk diterjemahkan. Saya ingin menyatakan kesabaran saya sudah melangkaui alam sejagat ini.”

Bait-bait kata yang terpacul daripada mulutnya penuh makna tersirat.

Hakikatnya wanita ini menjadi mangsa sifat mementingkan diri sendiri suaminya, Firdaus atau Frank Theodorus Van De Ven.

Lelaki Belanda itu yang dikenali Elis melalui ruangan Pen Pal telah melarikan anak mereka, Ferris ke luar negara.

Tiada khabar berita diterima Elis sejak itu apatah lagi untuk mendengar suara si kecil yang amat dirinduinya itu.

Sekuat mana pun Elis menangis dan meraung, Ferris tidak mungkin dapat mendengar suara ibunya. Ya, hidup ini kadang-kadang sulit untuk dijalani, keluhnya.

Pada 5 Mac lalu, genap dua tahun Elis kehilangan Ferris. Hidupnya tidak keruan. Dia hanya mampu meratapi Ferris dengan lebih 1,000 keping gambar yang diambil sebelum ini.

Lebih menyentuh kalbu, wanita ini masih menyimpan susu yang kini telah beku, helaian rambut, mandian, mainan, anak patung dan selimut kegemaran Ferris.

Sepanjang sesi temu ramah dengan penulis dua tahun lalu, air mata Elis mengalir selang lima minit. Ada masanya dia menangis sekuat hati.

Namun, pada pertemuan baru-baru ini, Elis menampakkan sisinya yang berlainan.

Ibu Ferris ini telah menonjolkan dirinya sebagai seorang yang kuat lagi tabah. Dulu, dia semahu-mahunya menangis, kini dia sudah mampu tersenyum. Senyuman itu tampak ikhlas.

Dulu dia sensitif, kini dia sudah pandai berjenaka. Intonasi suaranya mengatasi bunyi hujan lebat pada hari itu.

Dia tanpa henti cuba berjenaka dengan penulis dan jurufoto, Djohan Shahrin Shah. Namun, penulis percaya sebenarnya separuhnya jiwanya telah pergi.

Elis yang baru

ELIS yakin si kecil masih mengenalinya walaupun selepas dua tahun tidak bertemu.

“Saya sudah kontang air mata. Cukup-cukuplah. Hidup perlu diteruskan.

“Saya perlu bangkit berjuang untuk mendapatkan anak saya semula,” kata bekas guru ini yang boleh bertutur bahasa Belanda.

Bagaimanakah kekuatan itu tiba-tiba datang? Itu semua kata Elis, bermula selepas dia bermimpikan anaknya.

Ferris digambarkan menaiki bas dua tingkat berlatarbelakang hamparan langit yang gelap. Ketika si kecil ternampak kelibat Elis, Ferris dikatakan merengek untuk dibawa pulang.

Pada masa yang sama dia sempat mengusap pipi ibunya dan berkata, dia kini berada dalam keadaan sihat.

Lantas kata Elis, dia bingkas bangun dan tanpa dia sendiri sedari, dia memperoleh kekuatan untuk tidak bermuram durja lagi.

Bayangkan, selama hampir dua tahun ibu tunggal ini berdepan dengan deraan emosi dan enggan bersosial dengan orang luar. “Saya seperti baru dilahirkan semula,” ungkapnya.

Bermula minggu lalu, Elis perlu bangkit awal untuk melunaskan tanggungjawab sebagai pensyarah di Kolej Twintech, Bandar Sri Damansara.

Pemegang Ijazah Sarjana Muda Falsafah Seni, Universiti Teknologi Mara (UiTM) ini berkata, dia teruja setiap kali mengajar pelajarnya.

Tiada istilah berhenti daripada terus mendapatkan kembali Ferris. Namun, usaha itu memerlukan banyak wang. Elis harus mempunyai ratusan ribu ringgit untuk membiayai kos guaman di Belgium (negara asal bekas suaminya) dalam mencabar keputusan hak penjagaan Ferris.

Justeru, Elis telah menulis sebuah novel bertajuk Kubawa Hati Ini bagi membantunya mencari Ferris melalui kempen Bring Back Ferris To Malaysia.

Pada asalnya, catatan itu hanya sebuah diari yang ditulisnya setiap hari sejak tiga tahun lalu iaitu sebelum terpisah dengan anaknya. Akhirnya, Elis terfikir mengapa tidak menjadikannya sebuah novel demi Ferris.

Novel setebal 436 muka surat itu antara lain berkisar tentang keperitan hidupnya mengahwini lelaki asing sehinggalah saat anaknya dilarikan oleh bekas suami.

“Selain itu, saya juga mahu berkongsi perasaan dengan pembaca yang barangkali pernah menghadapi konflik seperti saya,” tuturnya.

Lukisan

CUKUPLAH dua tahun Elis terkurung dalam dunia kesedihan. Elis berazam membina kehidupan baru yang lebih ceria..

Dulu, semasa di universiti, Elis adalah seorang pelukis seni. Dia sering mengadakan pameran seni dan hasil karyanya menjadi tumpuan dan dibeli orang.

“Saya akan melukis bila saya rasa gembira,’’ tuturnya yang sekali gus menggambarkan transformasi dirinya.

Setakat ini, dia sudah menyiapkan hampir 10 karya jenis akrilik yang bertemakan urban.

“Lukisan-lukisan itu sesungguhnya mempunyai kaitan dan membangkitkan nostalgia dengan Ferris. Saya melukis bandar-bandar yang pernah saya dan Ferris lawati seperti Barcelona dan Brussels,’’ katanya.

Justeru, kata Elis, dia mengajak pertubuhan bukan kerajaan (NGO) untuk berkolaborasi dengannya menjual karya-karya itu.

“Saya sangat berharap ada NGO yang berminat kerana semua wang yang diperoleh akan dijadikan dana untuk mendapatkan Ferris semula,’’ katanya.

Adakah perkahwinan menjadi susulan kepada kegembiraan ini? Jawabnya dengan pantas: “Saya tak terfikir ke arah itu, saya lebih selesa begini.’’

Elis memberitahu, dia masih berada pada fasa tidak mempercayai kepada sesiapa termasuk lelaki.

Impak kepada permasalahannya yang mendapat liputan bebas media menjadikan dia banyak mengenali orang. Susah baginya untuk jatuh cinta kali kedua.

“Bukan mahu menolak tapi nantilah,’’ ujarnya yang memiliki senyuman yang mampu mencairkan hati mana-mana lelaki.

Difahamkan, bekas suaminya sudah membina kehidupan baru dengan memperisterikan seorang wanita dari negara Asia.

3 nights in a row I have dreamed of Ferris!!

2011-03-14T10:35:00.007+08:00

3 nights in a row I have dreamed of Ferris!!

Ferris...are u okay, baby??

Ummie is so so worried!! :(

Ummie and Ferris February 2004

It's been 7 days since my last post here in this blog.

Honestly, I was in pain.

I cant even look at this blog!

Everything remind me of Ferris..

This was how Ferris so much love ummie's stuffs!

Ferris put on ummie's shoes!

Ferris put on ummie's shoes again!!!

Last 3 nights...I have dreamed of him, straight!

1st night..

(Friday night)

On the 1st night, I dreamed that I saw him on the other side of the road..

I cant get him because too much traffic passing by

I tried to cross the motorway to get him..

I was waving and calling his name..

but again the traffic was too noisy, he cant hear me..

I have imagined many ideas, i wanted to crawl under those cars passing by..

or, I tried to do something like in the movie..just cross the street and stop the car..

NO, I cant!

I saw him standing there..

he is tall..

nice bob-cut hair, but at the tip of the hair a lil bit curly

and..not so chubby cheeks..

with his jacket, khakis pants and knapsack!

Then I woke up..

I was nervous and so much frustrated

why cant I keep on the dream surely I will get him IF

I have more time!

The 2nd night..

(Saturday night)

I dreamed of Ferris again..

but this time..he was with me..

I was holding him..like nothing happened..

but when the time go to bed,

Ferris wanted to sleep with Aunty GG..

I took him and sleep with me..

because deep down inside I could feel it that I must return him back by the sunrise!

I was really sad..holding him while laying on the bed..

Looking at him..

caressing him..

smelling him..

I was talking to him..

BUT

He did not even reply me..

he just keep silent

Ya ALLAH, what is this?

In the dream, I did not even want to fall asleep!

But the situation was the other way around....

I WOKE UP from sleep!

Oh God!!!
Give me some more time..let me feel my baby more..
I woke up and burst into tears..
My heartbeat faster..

so much bad thoughts in my head!

WHY FERRIS DID NOT WANT TO TALK?

It has eaten load of my energy..

end up, the whole day I was tired and sleeping all day!

3rd

The 3rd night, last night..

I dreamed of Ferris again

This dream, I cant even remember..

but, I know..I have dreamed of him..

And today, I woke up so tiring..

my whole body feels so much want to rest more..

but, how?

This was how Ferris tried to put himself to sleep for afternoon nap!

Then...

My baby fell asleep on the side table!

Ferris...

what is going on, baby?

What happened to you?

Are u okay?

Ummie's birthday is coming soon...

Ummie wishes to see Ferris...

Frank, it's been 2 years...

Please...

Ferris...today ummie feels so sad...

2011-03-07T20:00:00.005+08:00

Ferris...

Today ummie is so sad. Ummie is really sad..

When Ferris was with ummie...every time ummie felt sad,

Ferris always asked ummie: "Ummie..are u sad?"

Honestly,

Yes, baby..

Ummie is very sad..

Ummie feels so bad..

it feels like the world will end pretty soon..

Maybe because last Saturday was the exact date Ferris has been taken away from ummie..

Ummie still remember that day so clear..

Ferris was not feeling well..

and Ferris wanted ummie to hold Ferris all the time..

even when we were in the car..

Ferris wanted to sit with ummie..

Ferris said, "I'm not feeling well, ummie.. I want u to hug me.."

And that night...usually Ferris will sleep with abang Apan and Anchik...

but, that night, for the whole week, Ferris just wanted to sleep with ummie and kak Nang..

While sleeping...Ferris was hugging ummie's neck all the time..

it was so hot at ibu's house..

ummie had pushed Ferris a bit..

later, Ferris came back and hugged ummie's neck again...

The whole last week...

usually Ferris always wanted to eat by Ferris self..

but, that the last week, Ferris has requested ummie to feed Ferris..

usually, Ferris didnt mind to share ummie's lap with Ziedan and Akil

but, that week, Ferris was so jealousy..

and Ferris pushed them away and kept on asking ummie:

"Do u love me, ummie?"

"YES, ummie loves Ferris very much!"

Few minutes later, Ferris asked again:

"Am I the only one, ummie?"

"YES, Ferris is the only one!"

"Ummie loves Ferris?"

"Yes, very much. WHY?"

"Ferris loves ummie so much!"

"Yeah? Ferris loves ummie? How much?"

As usual; "HIGH LIKE A MOUNTAIN, WIDE LIKE AN OCEAN"

On that last day, March 05, 2009

While ummie was packing Ferris' clothes..

Ferris asked ummie again,

"WHY ummie..why with u always short, why with papa always long?"

Ummie was too busy..

but ummie could see Ferris was standing at the end of the bed and one leg on the matress

looking at ummie asking for some mercy not to allow papa to take Ferris...

or, maybe, ummie should beg papa not to take away Ferris from ummie..

but, ummie TRUSTED papa too much..

once he had said;

"IN THIS WORLD, THE ONLY THING I WOULD NOT DO TO YOU, DOOD,

IS TO TAKE FERRIS APART FROM YOU! NEVER!"

Papa said this when he was observing how ummie was devoting

in taking care of Ferris, without failed, not even a single failure..

ever since Ferris has born!

Unfortunately, he BROKE his own words..

and he DID take Ferris away from ummie..

without no news, no phone call, no email

telling that Ferris is FINE

SAFE and HEALTHY.

Maybe..this is all ummie's faults..

ummie did not do ummie best as a wife to papa

and good enough daughter-in-law to opa and oma..

but, for ummie's side..

Frank...i have been a good wife to u..

I have taken care everything for u..

I even have combed your hair..

gotten your clothes ready after shower..

good cooks everyday..

I have made u laughed..

and HAPPINESS!

papa and mama..

I have been a good daughter-in-law for both of u..

I was not only dedicated my life for you..

but, I have devoted it all to you..

but, it still not enough

for that..

I AM SO SORRY!

Ferris...

I am so sorry, baby...

Maybe, ummie just did not do good enough to please everybody

and..I am so sorry baby...

on this day, 24 months ago..

I LET U GO..

STILL..

I saw how sad were u walking to the car..

and I was calling you and waving to u..

and...Ferris didnt even look at ummie..

because, Ferris was mad..

Ferris had begged ummie to tell it to papa that Ferris wanted to stay with ummie..

and ummie DID NOT do that!

FERRIS..

UMMIE LOVES U TOO MUCH..

AND UMMIE HAS BEEN PUNISHING MYSELF NOT TO FEEL

ANY HAPPINESS FOR LETTING U GO

AND FEELING THESE ALL SUFFERS

SEPARATING WITH UMMIE..

I know baby..

You are wondering where I am..

do I still love u..

do I still remember u..

and..

ummie just asking the same questions..

WHERE ARE U, FERRIS?

DO U STILL LOVE UMMIE?

DO U STILL REMEMBER UMMIE?

Once, u had lost me in the shopping mall..

and I found u back, u were crying so hard and loud!

Ferris said:

"UMMIE, U FOUND ME, UMMIE!

UMMIE FOUND FERRIS!"

"Of course, I am your ummie..

wherever u go..I saw u..

whenever u lost...I will find u back!

Because, I am your ummie!"

and....

that day, when Frank had arrived..

Ferris hugged me tightly and looked at my eyes and saying;

"If u lost me, will u find me back, ummie?"

"YES"

"You promise?"

"YES!"

..then he turned around and walking to the car..

that was the last image of Ferris that still fresh in my mind...

Ummie sayang Ferris...

sayang Ferris sangat sangat...

Ferris sayang ummie, kan!

5 March 2011 - TODAY IS EXACTLY 2 YEARS I HAVENT SEEN, MET, TALKED TO FERRIS...

2011-03-05T15:44:00.012+08:00

MARCH 05, 2009 - March 05, 2011

Never ending love for you, Ferris..

Ferris on 30 January 2009

TODAY..

it has been EXACTLY 2 years..

Ferris last pic taken few days before he has been taken away,
taken by Tira, Adie's wife at Adie's printing shop, Bukit
Ampang Indah
3 March 2009

TWO YEARS!

2 YEARS!

2 TAHUN!

2 JAAR!

IT HAS BEEN 2 YEARS..

This photo taken on 30 January 2009

'I love you, ummie!' That what was he said, whispering on my ear!

Ferris on 1 Jan 2009

This sad face of Ferris, after he got to know that I have to let his papa

to see him and to take him for a week..

Ferris was whining and keep on 'merengek'

he was worried how to sleep without ummie;

"And then ummie, Ferris sleep with whom?"

"But, I want to sleep with u, ummie.."

"And then ummie, Ferris sleeps and Ferris wakes up, Ferris come back to ummie?"

"Ummie, I want to sleep with ummie.."

"..and ummie? Ummie sleeps with who?"

"Fat Tiger and Small Tiger will cry..Fat Tiger and Small Tiger want to sleep with u, ummie!"

Those were Ferris' cries or 'merengek' for few days, until this video was taken!

And Today...

it was 24 months ago on the same date March 5 year 2009...

was the last time I held Ferris

was the last time I saw his face

was the last time I heard his voices..

was the last time I smell his smells..

was the last glance he saw me..

exactly at 14.30

Frank has arrived..

he was wearing polo t-shirt and jeans

(for the 1st time I saw his on jeans since we've been together)

and that car, WAJA 1.5 metallic silver..

was the last time I saw my baby..

ever since that...

I HAVEN'T SEEN MY SON'S FACE

I HAVEN'T HEARD HIS VOICE

I HAVEN'T RECEIVED ANY NEWS

NO PHOTOS

NO PHONE CALL

NO EMAIL

NOTHING!

Ferris on 24 January 2009

Ferris and Mimie, his cat.

We found this cat downstairs, and Ferris really wanted to have it.

Funny thing, he just wondered why cat walks with four legs..

for his curiosity, he taught that cat to walk with 2 legs..

and he also taught that cat how to pee in the toilet!! Ha ha ha

That is our Ferris, my baby..

He thought that cat just the same like his Fat Tiger and Small Tiger..hahaha

Few times he got scratch by that cat and few bites as well!

Ferris...

Here I am..

Ummie is here baby..

Ummie is waiting for a miracle will happen..

only God knows how much ummie is desperately wanted this happen

as quick as possible..

All the believers told ummie..

there is GOD

and

GOD is GREAT!

God knows THE BEST!

Some said;

Doa ibu disegerakan pemakbulannya..

but now,

it has been 2 years..

I dont mean that I am doubting the greatness of God..

or I am hesitating the fate has made for me..

NO, NO AT ALL..

but the pains are TOO MUCH

the suffers are TOO BAD

never showed any mercy on me

or got it even lesser..

it's keep coming everyday

it's keep on growing every time..

UMMIE IS MISSING FERRIS SO MUCH!!

As a mother..

I am just worried about YOU, physically and mentally..

I just cant stop myself not to worry about your well-being, baby

I know papa is taking a very good care of u

he can give u more than I do..

Ferris on 13 February 2009

Wearing Babah's helmet without visor he he he..

look at his chubby chub cheeks!!!

On this day, Ferris just came back from school..

Ferris really wanted to ride Aunty GG's scooters..

on that day, we just granted his wish...

Frank,

..just show some mercy...

let me see Ferris..

U already have everything..

..the only thing that u dont have...

is ME!

Please...it's been 2 years now...

Ferris...if I knew that was the last day I met you..

I will hug u tightly and would never let u go..

or..

I will buy us a poison and we drink and die together...

this is how I feel right now...

the pain, the suffer..into that extreme..

I am crying while typing this..

I told u, my love is everything that cover up the whole universe..

but, unfortunately, ummie just cant deliver them all to you..

that is my frustration

and..

my regrets..

Ummie sayang Ferris..

ummie sayang sangat Ferris..

Ferris sayang ummie, kan!

"US" on 1 February 2009

BRING BACK FERRIS TO MALAYSIA

07.12.11 : HAPPY 8th BIRTHDAY FERRIS!!!

The Spiral working process - Ummie's new artwork series: Inspired by Nature

The Spiral visual documentation - Ummie's new artwork series: Inspired by Nature

The Spiral - Ummie's new artwork series: Inspired by Nature

“Progress has not followed a straight ascending line, but a spiral with rhythms of progress and retrogression, of evolution and dissolution.”

- Johann Wolfgang von Geothe (German playwright, poet, novelist and dramatist (1749-1832)

Inspired by Nature - MA Drawing Project Oct 2011

Ummie's painting on Degree Show 1998

Ummie Paintings Oct 2010 - The memories of Europe

A New Life of ummie just began...

Selamat Pagi Malaysia at RTM1 - 7.40-8am Sunday 28 Aug 2011

'We still hope they'll come back' - Malay Mail, 26th August 2011

'We still hope they'll come back'

Three years and still counting

Mother yearning for return of son taken by foreign ex-husband

Ferris and Ziedan - their last FUN together

Miya sings A song for abang Yang (Ferris)

AL-FATIHAH untuk korban Rumah Anak Yatim Al-Taqwa, Hulu Langat

Sambutan HARI IBU di SK Gombak Setia - May 10, 2011

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY - May 8, 2011

Berita Harian Mei 07, 2011 - KASIH IBU

KASIH IBUOleh Nor Affizar Ibrahim dan Fatin Hafizah Mohd Shaharbhnita@bharian.com.my 2011/05/07

Ummie's 36th Birthday Celebration April 6, 2011

I am doing my way...

....it's been quite awhile..

Pesta Buku Antarabangsa PWTC 24 April 2011

PESTA BUKU ANTARABANGSA PWTC 24Apr2011 4-7 ptg

KOSMO! March 25, 2011

25 Mac 2011

Ellis melukis demi Ferris

3 nights in a row I have dreamed of Ferris!!

Ferris...today ummie feels so sad...

5 March 2011 - TODAY IS EXACTLY 2 YEARS I HAVENT SEEN, MET, TALKED TO FERRIS...

KASIH IBUOleh Nor Affizar Ibrahim dan Fatin Hafizah Mohd Shahar
bhnita@bharian.com.my
2011/05/07